baby baby baby time.

Not mine, of course! (phew) And really, it was more like the severe lack of babies in my OB rotation.

Evidentially expectant mothers in Omaha decided not to have their babies on Tuesday mornings, because I had the chance to see ZERO labors. Yeah, ZERO, zilch, nada. What luck, right?

So that was a little disappointing, but what can you do?

Now, if I must be honest my whole OB rotation wasn't a bust. My first day in OB was pretty exciting. I got to give a not even one hour old baby her newborn immunizations! So that was really cool, to be a part of the whole newborn admission process. And I got to give a newborn bath, which was probably the highlight of my whole rotation. I got to give a TRUE newborn her very first bath! Now, how many people can say they've done that? That was really, really cool.

But after that excitement of the first day, it kind of all went downhill from there. The second day in OB there was not a single mother in labor, in fact there was only ONE baby on the whole floor! But no worries, we took full advantage of the down time and spent all morning learning/working on discharge teaching for a new family, and then I was able to be involved in one mom/baby's discharge teaching. And let me tell you-beside the whole fact that the parents have a brand new baby on their hands, we then go and overload them with all of the discharge information. WHOA. It's a really good thing that everything we tell/teach them is written down, because if I was in the parent's place I wouldn't remember a single word anyone told me. I can't even begin to imagine how overwhelming the whole process of having a baby can be, but for me I thought it was like the coolest thing ever. I took in everything in that I could, soaking in all up like a sponge.

I am just amazed by the fact that the human body can produce another human being. I mean, that is just out of this world. I think that it's my fascination with that whole concept that made me so excited for my OB rotation. And I know that I'll be just as excited for my 2nd OB rotation next semester, because the whole process is just so mind-blowing. And that's why even though I did not get the chance to see a labor this was still my best and most favorite rotation thus far.

ending of an era.

Well, kind of. But today was kind of an epic day for me. (with nothing nursing related!)

For the past year I've been an officer in my sorority (Kappa Kappa Gamma) and today was the day that I passed off all my my officer-ish belongings to the my incoming officer.. Now, I'm still the current House chairman until late January when we transition officers, but really I'm pretty much done.

And this is a little depressing. It seems like it was just last month I was the new officer, with pretty much no knowledge of what I was getting myself into. And now, today, I was the experienced veteran, suddenly I am the knowledgeable one, suddenly I am the grown up, suddenly I am done-and it's my time to pass along my knowledge.

And I'm not quite sure what to think. I wanted to become an officer because I wanted to feel like I had a voice in my chapter, like I could change things. I wanted to make a difference. And I got exactly that, and so much more. I remember being shocked when I got the call that I had been nominated for my position, I was actually amazed that the nominating committee had actually thought to even consider me. I was so excited when I got elected- excitement which carried itself though my whole term.

I really did enjoy my officer position. I was House chairman, and because our chapter doesn't have a house I really didn't have to do much- but I was still an officer. I had my fair share of work to do, but all in all it was nothing to stressful. I found that however stress out I was with school, Council was my built in break time, my little stress reliever. As a whole I love going to chapter and council, because it's a time when I get to forget about school and hang out with all of my friends that I haven't seen all week. It was really my time to relax, if even for a little bit. Also, being in nursing this year, I haven't really had much of a life outside of schoolwork- so council and chapter was my time to 'socialize with the outside world' in short.

Now, next semester I will still religiously attend chapter all all the outside events, but I won't have council. And I'm really going to miss it. I met one of my best friends this year through council, and it's going to be weird to not see her every monday in council. I know our friendship won't suffer because I won't be there, but it's going to be different.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I'm going to miss it. It's always hard to give something up that you've worked so hard on- but that's also part of growing up, and moving on. I have to trust that things will still run smoothly without me, and that I taught my incoming officer enough so that she doesn't feel like I fed her to the sharks. I have to trust that next semester I'll still be just as involved in Kappa, just in a different way.

So, as always, life pushes on, we move forward, making a difference little by little.

FYI- this isn't a picture of my sorority house, it's the Kappa house at Northwestern University. But because my chapter doesn't have a house I thought it was only fitting to post another Kappa house!

Also, the top picture is from this past year's bid day (2008) and we're in the shirts that I pretty much designed!

taking a quick break!

so I'm sitting here late on a Saturday night, and thinking I should really write about my last clinical rotation. This past rotation was Clinical Integration, which is basically all about communication.

Let me start off by saying that this rotation was very, very different from my long term care experience. This was very, very chill- we were pretty much free to do anything we wanted. All of the 'nursing' aspects were taken out of this rotation, and it was purely communication. So I didn't have to worry all morning that I had forgotten to asses something or that I hadn't given my drugs on time. All I had to do was find a resident in the assisted living community who wanted to chit-chat and do exactly that, talk with them.

Now, I'm somewhat of an introverted person, so while I was so glad long term care was over, I was a little worried about this rotation. Most people say will say they are shy until they get to know people, but I really am. I tend to open up once you get to know me, but it can take a little while. Plus, I consider myself more of a listener than a talker, which can make it a little difficult to make conversation with people I don't know.

But, what I found was that I had nothing to be worried about. This rotation was the calm after the storm. Most of the residents were more than happy to talk to you for 30 minutes or so, and many of them had so many stories to tell that I hardly had to think about what topic to talk about next. I found that it was just so easy to talk to most of them, and really it was very interesting and not nearly as awkward as I thought it was going to be.

This rotation was far more relaxing, and somewhat more therapeutic than I thought it would be. I had an EXCELLENT instructor, which I really believes makes all the difference in the world. I just can't get over how much I loved this rotation, and I can't quite decide if it's actually because of everything I learned, or the fact that it wasn't long term care. Either way, it was a great lead into my current rotation, OB.

These past two weeks have been pretty chill, very much slowed down from the usual go-go-go that this semester has been so far. And honestly, I am SO grateful for the chance to just take a breather. This is the calm before the storm of finals weeks starts up. So, because I have this time to sit and think, I thought I would FINALLY re-hash on my Long Term Care experience.

And let's just call it that, an experience. I don't think I have ever had a time in my life where I was that stressed. I went from one of the easier clinical experiences (school screenings) to one of, if not the hardest clinical- long term care. I don't think I have ever been so stressed, anxious, nervous or even tired in my life. Which for me, is not a good thing. It was like I was suddenly thrown into being a real nurse, with no orientation or even a warning. Needless to say, I am SO glad that I am done with long term care. It was one of those experiences where I learned an incredible amount of information, but didn't necessarily enjoy it.

Every week we have to write a journal about our experience that week during clinical. And I though I would include a little bit of that today, because I really feel like it captured how I was feeling that week, and somewhat of what I realized after I finished long term care. Now, we have to include an Ignation value in every one of our journals, so that's why I bring up the Ignation value of Magis.

So here's a blurb: (it's a little modified from my original journal, but the main idea is still there)

"Today I realized that I deserved to be here and I should not get so worried about the little things. Yes, the little things are important, especially in nursing, but if I lose track of the big picture than nothing will ever make sense. For me, this represents finding God in my opinion, or finding the bigger picture. I have always known this, but these past few weeks I have somewhat forgotten and had been instead focusing on the smaller, somewhat insignificant facts, that didn’t even really have anything to do with the clinical itself.

Magis is the Ignation Value of “a generous helping of anything is a large or abdundant serving of it; a spirit of giving and providing service to those in need,” and I really feel that this is the bigger picture, that as a nurse my number one priority should always being proving to those in need. The whole reason I decided to go into the nursing profession was to provide for those in their greatest moments of weakness, whether it is physical, spiritual or mental. This is quite the task to undertake though, and I tend to get easily sidetracked from it and caught up in other things, like I have for the past few weeks. However, like I always say, God works in mysterious ways, even when things may not seem to make sense."

Long term care was pretty terrible, but once I realized that it wasn't the end of the world, I knew that I could make it through. I finished long term care a much different person than who I was walking into it. I have gained so much confidence, which I believe is the basis for anybody to be successful in what they are doing.

By the last day of long term care I was able to easily converse with my patient, and I could even give a shot without shaky hands (for the most part!). I believe that I would not have learned all that I did had it not been so stressful, which I am grateful for- but let's just say I'm not going to volunteer to go through it again any time soon.

My body needs to recover, I need to recover, my psyche needs to recover. So I'm just taking things as they come, and refocusing on my school work and getting back into the swing of things.

sometimes all you need is one.

I really enjoy watching people, or really just observing people. Right now I’m sitting in Barnes & Noble taking a study break and realizing that people never cease to amaze me. I think what most amazes me is just how different every person is, no two are even remotely similar. This fact in and of itself is one of the main reasons I want to be a nurse. People are different in SO many ways, and yet deep down the human body is basically the same. Everyone absorbs and digests food in the same way, everyone starts out the same way, everyone physiologically fights off a virus in the same way and yet no two people are exactly the same. We are all different, but still the same.

I learned something the other day in on of our many OB lectures, and for some unknown reason it really hit me. My professor told my class that only 1% of babies born need some form of assistance with the transition from life inside the mother to life outside. Those 1% are the babies that end up in the NICU, for whatever period of time. This just amazed me, only 1%. 1% of babies, and yet that’s enough babies for pretty much every hospital to have a NICU, which means NICU nurses, NICU doctors, and the many other specialties that work in the NICU to get those babies healthy. That really puts things in perspective.

One percent is most likely about the same percentage of people that need to be hospitalized. Isn't that amazing? One percent of the population is what is going to give me a job when I graduate, 1%. That just seems crazy to me!

don't stop this train

don't for a minute change the place you're in,

and don't think for a minute I couldn't ever understand.

I tried my hand, and John, honestly we'll never stop this train.

This is how I feel about life right now, as written by one of my favorite musicians, John Mayer.

I've just returned from and excellent fall break back home, and while I didn't really do a lot of anything, I realized a lot.

I've been home a lot since starting at a school where I knew not a single soul, 11 hours from home. Not once was one of those visits home because I hated school, or because I wasn't making any friends. Yes, I got homesick and yes there were days I felt lonely-but I knew going into this that I was going to have those sorts of days. I chose to embark on this journey though college all alone, far away from the life that I once knew.

You could say that I've pretty independent, I'm one of those girls that doesn't need to be surrounded by throngs of people to know that I am loved and have friends in this world. I guess that's part of what factored into my decision to go to school so far away, but my main reason was that I wanted to re-invent myself, I wanted to discover who I was, away from people whom I knew, away from the bad memories I had of high school, away from my 'friends.'

Now, I didn't really come here knowing what exactly I was going to discover about myself, or even what I was looking for. I think I saw college as the stereotypical 'fresh start' that most people see college as. And I grown so much since freshman year, however sometimes I feel like I'm getting nowhere, like I walking the wrong way on a one way street.

But, every once in a while things come together, and it makes life's journey really worth it. The first time this happened to me was the end of my senior year of high school, and the second time is right now. I'm not quite sure when this happened, but suddenly I feel like a different person, like I really know who I am starting to become.

In my many visits home I have always gone back to my high school, mostly because my mom works there, but I've gone back and visited nonetheless. And every visit I always feel like I return to the person that I was, not the person that I've worked so hard to become. I'm not quite sure why or even how this happens, nothing special occurs. But I still felt like I had been erasing all the hard work I've done over the past two years. However, with this last trip home, and subsequent trip back to high school, I felt like was truly myself, like I had really grown into my own shoes. I felt like the young adult I am, and not the 17 year old that graduated two years ago. I felt like I am really turning into someone, who knows who they are and what they want to do with their life.

I'm not sure what triggered this realization, but I feel like I'm actually making progress, and I am actually starting to feel confident in my life and who I am. For me, this is HUGE, but I can't quite pinpoint why. I've always been confident in myself and held strong to the decisions in my life, but this feels different. And I like it. So don't stop this train, I don't want to get off.

slowly, it gets easier

Or I hope it gets easier. Midterms week is this week, and just by looking at my planner it doesn't look too daunting- one test, one paper. But alas, I couldn't be that lucky. I just started studying for my test yesterday, I haven't even thought about the paper and don't even get me started about all the work for clinical this week.

I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that every junior nursing student has at least one breakdown fall semester. But now I understand, there are some points where there is not nearly enough time in a day to complete everything you need to do. The world keeps turning and you can't quite seem to catch up.

I think if I try and learn one more concept, drug or have to do one more nursing diagnosis my brain might just explode. But I don't get that luxury this week- this week is going to be overloaded. But it's all part of the process, and the learning curve. If I can just make it though Wednesday night, things will get better. I will get a break (a real weekend!), I will get to watch TV and not feel guilty about it, I will get to have some fun and push school to the back of my mind for a few days. That is what will get me though this week.

Numero Uno!

So here I sit, on the eve of my 2nd Care Management test and what do I do, but start a blog!

It's 10 o'clock and I've done about all the studying my brain can take- at least until tomorrow when it'll be time to start studying for Informatics. One of my friends inspired me to start something that I can look back on. Nursing school is intense, to say the least, and I would like to be able to reflect a little on my experiences as I make my way through the last two years, and most importantly clinicals.

My first clinical ended last Wednesday, I finished school screenings! I absloutley LOVED it, but then anyone that knows me knows I could easily spend the rest of my days surrounded by children and be completely happy. Now, I probably won't end up being a school nurse, but it was a great experience, and in my opinion a awesome first clinical.

This is the first weekend where it's Sunday night and I actually am feeling good about the week ahead of me. I may not have done all of my homework, or studied as much as I should have, but I am okay with that. Maybe it's my exhaustion and information-overloaded brain catching up to me, or maybe I am finally starting to get the hang of it (nursing school, that is).

Whatever it is, I am hoping that is next Care test will turn out a little better than the last one, I am hoping that I finally got the hang of how to study for these tests.

All I know is that this is the start to a new week, and I am going to do the best I can to make it though! I start Long Term Care this week, so I won't be expecting to have to much free time, or really any at all. Let's just say this is going to be a very interesting week!