time well spent

I AM A NURSE! 

I passed the NCLEX, and have officially been issued a license by the state board of Texas!

Four years, millions of hours studying has paid off, because I will never have to take the NCLEX again!

SO EXCITED! 

(even though it's only starting to sink in)

lost in this moment

Last Thursday was a day that I will never forget. It was my second to last day at Creighton, but that's not why it was so memorable.

Throughout the semester my classmates and I were divided into 9 online discussion groups, and today our discussion groups presented a wrap up of our semester. Each group had to choose a Jesuit Value, and talk a little bit about it. My group chose "Finding God in All Things" and then each of us got to talk about an experience in clinical this past semester where we found God. Most groups presentations followed along this same format, some groups chose "Cura Personalis" (care of the whole person)- but in my mind all the Jesuit Values run together- so basically it was just all of us sharing some meaningful or difficult experiences during our preceptorship where we were able to remember that God is among us all, even in the worst situations.

Many of the stories shared dealt with the death of a patient, which I was fortunate to not experience, but many of my classmates were not so fortunate. It struck me how many of them had experienced a patient death, and then to hear them talk about it was almost heartbreaking. I know there were a few moments where every person in the room had tears in their eyes. And while is was so heartbreaking, it was also inspiring- I know I could see how much each one of us had grown in the past semester. We all had gone down our own paths, and yet when we came back together we all had generally the same stories/experience. We all share basic values that will carry us through our nursing careers, no matter where we end up.

teach me about tomorrow

This past week was my very last week of clinical, and I had perhaps one of my most memorable experiences. It wasn't necessarily bad or good, but it really makes you wonder why the worst things seem to happen to the best families.

I had this adorable little girl, whom I had seen being pulled around the floor in a wagon by her parents the day before- she seemed just as happy as could be. Before going into assess this little girl my nurse stopped me and told me the background information and she herself made a comment about how life seems to hit the nicest families the hardest sometimes, and how it can really make you wonder. Once I met this family, I knew exactly what she was talking about. This little girl had just been diagnosed with a neuroblastoma, a type of cancer that tents to be bad if it's diagnosed in kinds older than 1 year old (she was about 3). Of course, that sort of information isn't something you want to go right in and tell the parents, I mean you can't really tell anybody that. However, I think the parents knew it was going to be a long, hard road ahead of them, but their strength blew me away.

I had to take a step back to grab a hold of my feelings and not let how worried I was about her, with just being diagnosed and not having a very good chance of having a good outcome influence or change my care and responses to the family. The family was so positive, I don’t believe I heard a negative word come out of mom or dad’s mouth the entire day, it truly amazed me. Mom made a comment after brushing her daughter’s hair that "she was savoring it while she can, because very soon she is going to loose all of her hair." She even said that they usually give her son a buzz cut over the summertime, so maybe this summer all 3 children (the patient had twin sister as well) would have buzz cuts for the summer and they would just call it their “summer hair.” When she said this it almost brought me to tears, and I had to step away for a moment to compose myself again. It was something so simple, and she said it so matter-of-factly that it genuinely took me by surprise. The knew what the reality was going to be and they just accepted it so gracefully, taking everything in stride.

This patient really showed me just how much you are able to stay positive throughout a bad situation, and how that really makes a difference in the patient- she was happy go lucky all day long. It really made me take a step back and see how easy it can be to find God even in the hardest of situations, and have faith that He has a plan- even if we aren’t able to see what that plan may be or where it may lead.

enchanted to meet you

This past rotation I was on an oncology unit, and I thought I would share one of my journals from these past 4 weeks, because I feel like it really captures the essence of this rotation.

This week (my second week on this unit) I was truly astounded with the faith, and hope that these patients have. I had two patients this week that had very recent diagnoses of cancer, and it floored me how strong they were. I know I only got to be in a small part of their lives, I only saw snapshot of the big picture, but they really amazed me. From a nursing role, these two patients could not have been more perfect. No, they were not super complicated, in the sense that only one had an IV pump and a Foley, both were independent and other than medications, could pretty much take care of themselves. However, with the cancer diagnosis there was a whole different aspect of care that needed to be covered. Being told you have cancer can be a very scary diagnosis, however I was very inspired by how optimistic and strong my patients were being, and how open they were with sharing their stories with me.

On both a student and a personal level this was extremely helpful to me. I have been very lucky in my life, to not be affected by cancer personally or to not know anyone close to me who has been affected, so this is one area where I feel like I was extremely lacking in both knowledge and experience. I really was amazed at how strong not only the patients were, but also their wives and families. I feel like I could truly see God working in their lives during this difficult time, because I know that if it were me, I might not be so open and friendly.

I do know that not every patient will always be as open as these two were, but I felt like I did learn a lot about the process the patient goes through when diagnosed with cancer, and the grieving and questions that come from the diagnosis. And while both patients had been were not diagnosed while I was there, they were recent enough that they still had many questions and in some areas looked to me for answers. I really felt like I was able to learn and grow with them this week, I felt blessed to be a part of their journey back to health.

where soul meets body

I'm kind of into making goals right now. Little goals and big goals, like- not sleep through my alarm in the morning, make it though this class, stand up a little straighter, work out today, eat a little better, study a little harder. All these sort of sprung from my little Lenten goal this year.

Now I'm Catholic, and I really like the Easter season, or actually I like Lent, and everything it symbolizes. I don't think I take Lent in the same way most people do though. Back in confirmation class I came to learn that Lent isn't so much about giving something up for 40 days and then picking it right back up as soon as Easter rolls around. Instead, Lent is a time where you should try and embark on something that will better yourself as a person, something that you will keep with you long after the season is over. This year for Lent I gave up slouching, but I prefer to think of it as standing up straight ALL THE TIME. Now, you may say ha- what's that got to do with anything. But alas, as a 6'2 female, it means something quite different to me as it does the average height person. My life is spent slouching down and crouching down to fit into a world that was made for someone of 5'6-5'9- not someone over six feet tall, especially a female. So I decided that for Lent I would work of standing up straight, and being proud to be so tall. I found that standing up straight had so much more meaning for me than simply improving my posture. Now that Lent is over I find myself with a new confidence that I have not really had before. Now when I walk into someplace new I am standing up tall and not slouching in an attempt to shrink away so as to not stand out. Now I walk around with purpose.

This new confidence has given my the idea of continuing on Lenten idea throughout the year, not just during the season of Easter. I want to set little goals for myself and work on that specific idea for about a 4-5 week period.

So my new goal is to finish this school year out strong, focusing on actually paying attention in class (aka not bringing my laptop). There's only 5 weeks left of school, which other than being a scary thought, means that I have 5 weeks to go out with a bang. In these 5 weeks I have one last clinical rotation, about 6 exams, and 17 days of classes left. So this shouldn't be to difficult, that's what you're thinking- I know. But I think it's going to be harder than it sounds, this last month since spring break I really haven't had any motivation to do much of anything- and I really mean it. I've been slacking off to the extreme, but not anymore.

So bring it on. I can do this.

Baby can I hold you?

Today is going down in the record books.

Today my breath was taken away.

Today I got to watch a life come into this world.

Today I got to watch that life take her first breaths in this world.

Today I got to witness one of the many miracles of the human body.

Today I got to give that little miracle her very first bath.

Today I got to see to joy in her parents eyes as they held her for the first time.

Today my mind is so overcome with the emotions of joy, awe and happiness;

I am literally speechless.

Today is a day I will never forget.

and i had the best day...

I seem to have hit the traditional winter slump. I am so over winter, over the cold, over being in Omaha, but most of all over this snow and cloudy days. I want sunshine, clear skies, green grass and most importantly temperature over 32 degrees. But this was probably the best week of my semester so far- if for no other reason than the fact that I got to observe a surgery!

Now, I've been waiting to see a surgery pretty much since I walked in the doors of my first class freshman year. (That might be a little bit of an exaggeration) But really, I have been impatiently waiting to see a surgery for what feels like an eternity! And let me tell you, I was completely blown away. I had the chance to observe a complete abdominal hysterectomy, meaning that it wasn't done by scope, there was an actual abdominal incision.

And wow, that's really all I have to say about the whole experience. I've never really wanted to be a doctor, it's never really appealed to me, but this experience has the power to make me reconsider. I'm pretty sure I've ruled out becoming a scrub nurse/circulating nurse because they don't really do much, the surgeons are the ones that get to all the cool stuff. The surgeons get to deal with all the blood and guts, they get to cut people open then stitch them right back up. SO COOL. I can't even begin to describe the awe that I felt as I was standing there watching this surgery occur, I wish I could have paused the surgery and just stood there for a little bit longer.

Granted, this wasn't open heart surgery, but nevertheless it was still amazing. Just the simple fact to me that one day someone decided it would be a good idea to cut a patient open to try and cure their disease amazes me- who would think of something like that? But I guess that's the whole thing with medicine, it's all so amazing that 100 years ago half the stuff we do now wasn't even invented yet.

I mean wow, that just make you take a step back and think about things a little bit.

Don't forget to remember me..

It's the last day of 2009 (at least it was when I started this), which means many things are coming to a close. It's the end of the holiday season, the end of the decade, (almost) the end of winter break. But it's also the beginning of many new things, the new year always seems like the time that people make new plans, turning over new leaves. Many people see new year's eve as a time to start making new memories, new plans, to become that person they didn't become in 2009.

With the new year, the stress is put on new. New memories, new friends, new workout, new study habits, new resolutions, new, new, new... Now I'm all for making new year's resolutions, I've even made them every new year. Naturally, they never last longer than a few weeks, then I'm back to my old habits that I was trying to change.

This year, however I have a different kind of new year resolution, which I realized about a month ago. When I was in my Clinical Integration rotation we were at an assisted living facility, which also had a memory support unit (among other things) where I spent most of my time. The memory support unit consisted of older adults who had symptoms of dementia (or memory loss) and early signs of Alzheimer's. There were about 25 adults living in this unit, and no two had the same amount of memory loss. Now, I think I said that this rotation was all about communication, so I literally just found someone who wanted to talk and had a conversation with them. These conversations ranged anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. As expected I spent over half the conversation answering the exact same question over and over again, but it was a conversations nevertheless. And was in these repetitive conversations that I realized perhaps my most important lesson of the semester, which I'm not even sure if I can place it into words. I'll try my best though...

Talking to these amazing people, I realized that perhaps one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person is to loose your memory. In my mind, life pretty much boils down to making memories- so what happens when no longer remember them? What happens when you slowly forget your life? So my new year's resolution this year is to REMEMBER. And to do everything I can for myself so that down the line I will still remember. If that means taking more pictures, becoming healthier, or even starting a journal- I'm down. I want to square myself away now so that when times come where I might not remember everything, I have something to look back on that will remind me, and bring back those memories and those emotions- if even for a short while. I want to do as much as I can now, so that when I can't anymore I won't look back and wish that I had been more involved, or had been better friend, or even had more fun. But another part of this is living a healthy lifestyle, because in my mind being healthy now means that I'll be healthier later on in life, which makes a world of difference in the older adult's world (as I'm learning now).

I want to remember, and not just the big things that happen, I want to remember all the little things to because as the saying goes:

"it's all the little things that make a world of difference."

sometimes all you need is one.

I really enjoy watching people, or really just observing people. Right now I’m sitting in Barnes & Noble taking a study break and realizing that people never cease to amaze me. I think what most amazes me is just how different every person is, no two are even remotely similar. This fact in and of itself is one of the main reasons I want to be a nurse. People are different in SO many ways, and yet deep down the human body is basically the same. Everyone absorbs and digests food in the same way, everyone starts out the same way, everyone physiologically fights off a virus in the same way and yet no two people are exactly the same. We are all different, but still the same.

I learned something the other day in on of our many OB lectures, and for some unknown reason it really hit me. My professor told my class that only 1% of babies born need some form of assistance with the transition from life inside the mother to life outside. Those 1% are the babies that end up in the NICU, for whatever period of time. This just amazed me, only 1%. 1% of babies, and yet that’s enough babies for pretty much every hospital to have a NICU, which means NICU nurses, NICU doctors, and the many other specialties that work in the NICU to get those babies healthy. That really puts things in perspective.

One percent is most likely about the same percentage of people that need to be hospitalized. Isn't that amazing? One percent of the population is what is going to give me a job when I graduate, 1%. That just seems crazy to me!