into the light

I'm FINALLY in the home stretch. I can almost smell the Thanksgiving dinner cooking in the oven, I can almost listen to Christmas music again, the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly getting closer and brighter. This is super good, because lately I've been in a bit of a slump. Me and my Texas bones wimped out at the first sign of cold weather and I haven't been on my bike since about the 1st of October (I know, lame). I'm trying to change this- trying to coax myself that once I actually get riding that it won't see so cold (so far no luck though). Other than that it seemed like school worked seemed to implode in 3 week period- it was just one thing after another after another. And all I really want to do is go home. But enough of that, onto the good stuff.

I've been on quite a few adventures recently, one including driving 1,000 miles in 2.5 days. I know, pretty remarkable. My roommates and I decided last minute to make a little trip up to Chicago, for almost 3 days. I also celebrated Halloween, college kid style. What exactly is college kid style--good question. haha. Halloween is my least favorite of the holidays, so I just kinda go along with whatever the plans are and roll with it.

I finished my multiple client rotation, and I have to say that from this past year this was probably the rotation I enjoyed the most. I know that's not really fair because I have probably said that about every rotation, but hindsight is 20/20. I've learned that with each new rotation I realize things that I loved and the things I didn't love so much. But this rotation was very different from my others, in that I really felt like the whole family was involved with the care, it was a much more friendly atmosphere. This is somewhat ironic, consider an oncology floor can be one of the most depressing places in the hospital. However, the nurses on this floor did an excellent job of making it a not so scary place. That's what really made the difference, the nurses.

I hope that I will become that kind of nurse one day, that I can make the scary parts of life seem much more bearable.

enchanted to meet you

This past rotation I was on an oncology unit, and I thought I would share one of my journals from these past 4 weeks, because I feel like it really captures the essence of this rotation.

This week (my second week on this unit) I was truly astounded with the faith, and hope that these patients have. I had two patients this week that had very recent diagnoses of cancer, and it floored me how strong they were. I know I only got to be in a small part of their lives, I only saw snapshot of the big picture, but they really amazed me. From a nursing role, these two patients could not have been more perfect. No, they were not super complicated, in the sense that only one had an IV pump and a Foley, both were independent and other than medications, could pretty much take care of themselves. However, with the cancer diagnosis there was a whole different aspect of care that needed to be covered. Being told you have cancer can be a very scary diagnosis, however I was very inspired by how optimistic and strong my patients were being, and how open they were with sharing their stories with me.

On both a student and a personal level this was extremely helpful to me. I have been very lucky in my life, to not be affected by cancer personally or to not know anyone close to me who has been affected, so this is one area where I feel like I was extremely lacking in both knowledge and experience. I really was amazed at how strong not only the patients were, but also their wives and families. I feel like I could truly see God working in their lives during this difficult time, because I know that if it were me, I might not be so open and friendly.

I do know that not every patient will always be as open as these two were, but I felt like I did learn a lot about the process the patient goes through when diagnosed with cancer, and the grieving and questions that come from the diagnosis. And while both patients had been were not diagnosed while I was there, they were recent enough that they still had many questions and in some areas looked to me for answers. I really felt like I was able to learn and grow with them this week, I felt blessed to be a part of their journey back to health.

i'm just a basket case

It seems that every time I go to post all I ever want to talk about is how incredibly busy I am, like it's some brand-spanking new news. You think I would have gotten the memo long ago that nursing school is pretty dang busy- nothing really ever changes. But of course I always seem to forget this fact right before the world gets thrown at us.

So what's new in my life now? Well for starters I'm busy- of course. I just finished my ICU rotation earlier today and it's a little bittersweet. I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would, which surprised me. I'm not quite sure what I had in my mind about what ICU was going to be like going into it, but all of my expectations were completely blown away. However, even though I had a lot of fun because I had to chance to do a ton on nursing cares and such, it was still very depressing. I didn't really realize how depressing and serious it was until I moved onto my next rotation, Multiple Client.

The majority of the patients in ICU were on ventilators, had feeding tubes, couldn't talk and most of the time were to sedated to have any sort of response to other people. Now, these patients usually had multiple health problems (hence being in ICU) so there was a lot of care that needed to be done, but I found I didn't like ICU for the same reasons I didn't like NICU- the patients couldn't talk back, they didn't really respond to you. And to be honest, I didn't really realize how depressing it was until I moved onto my next rotation, on an oncology unit, where I can actually sit down and have conversations with my patients. As a whole though, I felt like I really learned a lot, I'm actually starting to feel a little more like a real nurse day by day.

On a different note it's midterms week (ohh boy!) and again, it seems like I seem to forget how busy it is until it's finally here. I took one midterm on Monday, have another one next Monday and then my last on Friday- then it's fall break! And unlike last fall break I will not be anxious and nervous, I am going to throughly enjoy my time off and not worry about ANYTHING. I have been far to stressed out about school-it's high time for a break.

talk about a Monday..

Yesterday, Monday I had my first Care Management test of the year. No big deal you're thinking to yourself--which is exactly what I thought to myself. Until I woke up at 8:00 in the morning to a call from my professor asking where I was because "the test started at 7:45, and you're supposed to be here." Sweet. So I quickly threw some clothes on, picked up my backpack and literally ran out the front door. I drove to campus, parked in the student lot without a permit and again literally ran into my classroom. I got there by 8:15 (impressive, right?!) and sat down to take my test in the 30 minutes that were remaining. I miraculously managed to finish my test on time, so now all I have to do is wait until next Monday to see if I did okay.

Now how did I let that happen, I mean really- who sleeps through FOUR alarms. Really now? Not only did I sleep through them, I have no recollection of even hearing them or turning them off.

Talk about stress. I mean, that's one way to start off my week. Luckily I don't have class again until Friday (lucky me!) so I have some time to recover from the trauma yesterday.

But enough about that- clinical started last Friday, and I'm in the ICU first. I am pretty excited about this, because I feel like I will get to see more intense things.

I also had my day in the Emergency Department this past Tuesday and let me say this: WAY COOL. Now, I wasn't at a trauma center so I didn't get to see any car accidents or gunshot victims- but I got to see some pretty cool stuff. I basically loved it, every single minute of it. It was kind of bipolar- in the way that it was either empty, with nothing to do or extremely busy, jumping from patient to patient trying to get everything done. You have to be a very quick thinker, because each patient that comes in is completely different. PRETTY AWESOME, if I do say so.

Oh- also in some free time last week I decided I would get a fish. So here's Stan. I know it's not the best picture, but it's okay. He lives with a peace lilly, which is why there are roots in the picture. I'll let you know how it turns out. So far, so good!

Last, but first

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 is the day that I had my last "first day of school." And let me tell you as far as first days go, this was far from the most exciting. My day wasn't filled with the excitement of walking into class and quickly scanning the room to find which friends were in this class, there was no dread or worry over if I got the "good" teacher. No, there was none of this, instead I walked into the classroom and knew right where I was going to sit- the same exact spot I sat in all last year, right next to the same exact person I did last year and while the teacher wasn't exactly the same, I had listened to her lecture at least once last year. So as far as first days of school go, this was pretty b-o-r-i-n-g, except for you know, the fact that it was my very last one.

Why? Well It's my senior year of college, which in my humble opinion is quite scary. It's hard for me to believe that 18 years ago today (or around this day) I walked into Kindergarten looking like this:

And now, here I am embarking on one of the last chapters in a major aspect of my life. Senior year- it's something everyone hopes to reach someday very soon, but yet once it arrives it seems far to early for everything to be over. I know I have dreamed of days where I don't have to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to cram for that big test, or to finish up the last few words on that major paper due in just a few hours but yet now that I see the end in sight, I'm at a loss for what to think.

All I have ever known, for the past 18 years from August-June is to wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, work out, eat dinner, sleep, wake up and do it all again (with some variation of course). What am I going to do when I come home and don't have to whip out my school books and crack down on my reading, or spend hours upon hours hostage to the library? Yes, I do know that I'll have a "real" job and be in the "real" world with "real" responsibilities, but still.

Perhaps I'll actually be able to sleep, imagine that! Or maybe I'll take up some hobby like underwater basket-weaving to fill my time that would normally be filled with school work.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about the future, and all that is in store for me, but it's a scary thought. For once my life plan isn't laid out in front of me, I'm not sure exactly what I should do, where I should go next. It's a completely blank slate, which is something I have never experienced before. My life in, oh, about 9.5 months is going to make a 180 degree turn from the pattern I have followed for so long to something COMPLETELY different. I can't even imagine. I mean, a world without homework? I'm not even quite sure it exists. ( I'll believe it when I see it)

I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

So bring it on.

I'm ready.

Well not really, just kinda ready.

Okay, not ready at all.

Jill came tumbling after

What a week it has been!

First, I finished my first bike race! It was quite the challenge to- 27 miles, which really wasn't that bad. The bad part was the hills! I haven't really ridden hills before--Texas is about as flat as a pancake, and boy was it tough! But I survived, and did the 27 miles in about a hour and 45 minutes--which is about what I expected! Now that I've got that under my belt, I've decided to tackle 58 miles (flat miles) in a race on June 27th! So I've slowly been working up my miles for that, but I've still got work to do.

Second- boy oh boy did I take quite the tumble today. It was truly quite the accident. I was riding with one of my friends and my tire got stuck in a crack in the cement, and down I went. Now, we were going about 20-22 miles/hour so I went down pretty hard. Luckily I broke no bones, like my mom did last week- I just scraped myself up pretty badly and COMPLETELY ripped both my front tire and the inner tube.

So my first big fall, got that one under my belt now too. Good news is my bike is okay, and I am okay, and if my tire was repairable I probably would have gotten right back on my bike and kept on riding.

What is really funny (in a morbid kind of way) is that exactly one week ago my Mom fell off of her bike and severely broke her arm. Now hers was a little bit different circumstance, but she called my dad to come pick her up (who was freaking out) then exactly one week later I fall and call my dad to come pick me up (who was freaking out even more). So now he's decided he's just not cut out for this sort of thing, we're going to give him a heart attack if he keeps on getting these sort of calls. So from now on if I fall, which will happen, I think I'm going to call my brother and save my father some anxiety.

Luck was on my side today, I know it could have been much, much worse. So I'm going to count my lucky stars and hope that if I fall again I can only be so lucky.

sit back and enjoy the ride

I'm sort of an ambitious person. At least in the sense of physical fitness. I have found that I always need a challenge, I always need something to work for, and not in the easy "I want to look better in a bathing-suit kind-of way." No, I need a challenge, I need something to work for. So, this past semester I decided that I wanted to take up cycling.

Now, this isn't a totally new concept for me, my main workout throughout college has been riding the stationary bike in the gym. But my competitive nature crept through and just riding the bike wasn't enough, I needed to be riding it for a reason, a purpose. I then decided to do some research and concluded that I didn't just want to ride, I wanted to race, and not just any race, I wanted to do a 100 mile race (called a century ride).

I had a slight problem however, or a few problems- at the time I decided I wanted to do this century ride it was the middle of the winter in Omaha (meaning a good foot of snow on the ground) which actually wasn't that big as my next problem: I didn't own a bike. But, nonetheless I decided that this should be my goal for the year- finish a century ride. So I started training, riding the little stationary bike and I slowly got more and more excited because for the first time since I had to stop playing basketball I had found something that I genuinely enjoyed doing.

And then finals happened, and I got out of my routine, working out got put on hold as I tried to complete my then current goal (to finish the year strong), which I did! (2 B+ and 1 A!!) but then I came home and sumer started and I found that I didn't really enjoy the stationary bike anymore. Perhaps because I no longer had notes to study and pass the time as I rode, but whatever the reason I found myself avoiding the bike, or even the gym altogether so I wouldn't have to sit there and ride. Then I got to talking with my mom, and we decided that this century was something that we really wanted to do, and if we were going to get serious about it we needed some road bikes. So we went our local bike store, took the plunge, and got serious.

So for the past 2ish weeks my life has consisted of early evening bike rides and LOTS of sleeping (who knew 20 miles could make you so tired!) Nonetheless I am slowly getting there, learning little by little everything I need to survive my first century (I already have stories!).

In short, since I don't have nursing school to talk about for the next 3 months, I figured I would switch over to my adventures (and failures) of cycling. Tomorrow I am waking up bright and early to try and go 25 miles (and still be breathing when I'm done) so ready or not, here I go!

And here's a lovely picture of me trying to figure out clip-less pedals (excuse the hair)

--this was after I fell over after FINALLY clipping both feet in

I have been changed for good

A recap of Junior year:

-I learned how to destroy entire wheel (and rim), with the help of a few potholes.

-I learned how to insert an IV (on a plastic arm).

-I drove to and from Omaha many times.

-I got to watch a surgery first hand.

-I learned that I never EVER ever want to work in long term care.

-I dominated care management. hands down.

-I managed to make it through another year without a single all-nighter.

-I saw a life come into the world.

-I got not 1, not 2 but THREE flat tires.

-I really, really enjoyed Pediatrics.

-I decided that winter really isn't my thing.

-I realized that all that Spanish in high school really was kind of important.

-I finished up my term as House Chairman in Kappa

-I had my very first clinical patient, whom I will never forget

-I learned that I like change.

-I came to the conclusion that OB, Long Term Care, Psych really aren't for me.

There are of course many, many other aspects of this past year that make it memorable, but most can't be recapped in a few words. It was a very good year, and I really can't believe it's over. More importantly, I can't believe that next year is senior year. It's scary to think about, that I have to enter the real world soon. But for now it's summer, and summer time means that I'm on vacation from school, from thinking about school, from even thinking about the real world. This is my last real summer, and I plan on taking full advantage of it.

train-wreck, I'm a train-wreck

These past two days I've spent my time in a Special Care Psychiatric unit. This means that I was with the most crazy of the mentally ill. These people were hearing voices, extremely depressed or suicidal.

Walking into the unit I was a little overwhelmed, as I'm sure most people would be. I had just toured the whole psychiatric wing and the last part was the Special Care Unit, which was very different from the other 2 units I had just come from. Those were very open, with lots of common areas and people sitting out, together. This Special Care Unit was one long hallway with a small common area, but with the nurse's station completely closed off by plexiglass. Needless to say, it was a little intimidating.

But I soon found that really, there was nothing much to be scared of. These people, while being a little crazy, were still just people. Now, I'm not saying that they all didn't have their fair share of issues, but that was no reason for me to think of them in any different light.

So, once I realized this and got over my little fear of the unknown I actually got to have some

pretty decent conversations with some of the men on the unit. And let me tell you, my mind was blown away. big time. I talked with one man about how he, and his son, both made meth in their basements, and consequently became addicted to it. Let me just say, this man was about 60 years old. 60 years old and addicted to methamphetamine, among other things. Can you imagine? Funny enough, I just had a lecture in class about substance abuse and all I could think about in class was the man that I had talked to who has been taking meth for a long, long time.

As a nursing major, I have a philosophy that because I am going into the health care field and am going to be taking care of others I need to first take care of myself. I try to eat healthy, work out on regular occasions and stay away from things that could potentially harm my body, whether now or later in life. To me, taking such addictive and dangerous drugs like meth, or even cigarettes just seems to me like you're throwing your life away. I know that everyone's live varies and under certain circumstances who's to say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. But as I sat looking around at the patients in this Special Care Unit, where most of the patients not only had severe mental illness but also some sort of drug addiction, and all I could think of is why would you ever want to start taking something like meth? I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to hear voices, or have violent mood swings, but to add on top of that also going through withdrawal- how bad it must be. I mean, I'm sure withdrawal alone would be enough to make me crazy.

Needless to say, this week was kind of crazy (no pun intended). I'm excited for this coming week, with my second week in Psych- hopefully I'll get to talk to some more people and learn more about just how much mental illness can affect one's life.

where soul meets body

I'm kind of into making goals right now. Little goals and big goals, like- not sleep through my alarm in the morning, make it though this class, stand up a little straighter, work out today, eat a little better, study a little harder. All these sort of sprung from my little Lenten goal this year.

Now I'm Catholic, and I really like the Easter season, or actually I like Lent, and everything it symbolizes. I don't think I take Lent in the same way most people do though. Back in confirmation class I came to learn that Lent isn't so much about giving something up for 40 days and then picking it right back up as soon as Easter rolls around. Instead, Lent is a time where you should try and embark on something that will better yourself as a person, something that you will keep with you long after the season is over. This year for Lent I gave up slouching, but I prefer to think of it as standing up straight ALL THE TIME. Now, you may say ha- what's that got to do with anything. But alas, as a 6'2 female, it means something quite different to me as it does the average height person. My life is spent slouching down and crouching down to fit into a world that was made for someone of 5'6-5'9- not someone over six feet tall, especially a female. So I decided that for Lent I would work of standing up straight, and being proud to be so tall. I found that standing up straight had so much more meaning for me than simply improving my posture. Now that Lent is over I find myself with a new confidence that I have not really had before. Now when I walk into someplace new I am standing up tall and not slouching in an attempt to shrink away so as to not stand out. Now I walk around with purpose.

This new confidence has given my the idea of continuing on Lenten idea throughout the year, not just during the season of Easter. I want to set little goals for myself and work on that specific idea for about a 4-5 week period.

So my new goal is to finish this school year out strong, focusing on actually paying attention in class (aka not bringing my laptop). There's only 5 weeks left of school, which other than being a scary thought, means that I have 5 weeks to go out with a bang. In these 5 weeks I have one last clinical rotation, about 6 exams, and 17 days of classes left. So this shouldn't be to difficult, that's what you're thinking- I know. But I think it's going to be harder than it sounds, this last month since spring break I really haven't had any motivation to do much of anything- and I really mean it. I've been slacking off to the extreme, but not anymore.

So bring it on. I can do this.

Baby can I hold you?

Today is going down in the record books.

Today my breath was taken away.

Today I got to watch a life come into this world.

Today I got to watch that life take her first breaths in this world.

Today I got to witness one of the many miracles of the human body.

Today I got to give that little miracle her very first bath.

Today I got to see to joy in her parents eyes as they held her for the first time.

Today my mind is so overcome with the emotions of joy, awe and happiness;

I am literally speechless.

Today is a day I will never forget.

a radio with the speakers blown...

Okay, so I'm going to take a little break from all the nursing stuff to talk about some music. Now, anyone that knows me knows that music is a big part of my life. I study with music, I get ready with music playing- let's just say I'm listening to music pretty much all the time. Some of my best memories are from various concerts, and I definitely wouldn't have made it this far into school if it weren't for my study mixes.

I went to The Hood Internet concert this past Friday (hence the picture), and it pretty much made my week. I get the same kind of feeling from live music that I do from working out, it just makes me giddy and genuinely happy. In my mind there is no better way to de-stress from school than to plug in my iPod and blast my favorite songs.

So I just thought I would enlighten y'all to some of my favorite music right now, specifically some of my favorite duets, just because! (and maybe to expand you're music interests).

So first off is actually a local band right out of Omaha, The Good Life. The song is called Inmates, and I really like the sound of these two together and the simplicity of the song.

Second comes Yankee Bayonet by The Decemberists.

And of course I need to mention some Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss in Wiskey Lullaby. By far this is one of my favorites of all time, hands down.

Paperweight by Joshua Radin and Schuyler Fisk is one that I just recently discovered, but it's been on repeat on my iPod since I downloaded it.

And just because I am obessesed with Heidi Klum I have to add this one where she duets with her husband, Seal. It's called Wedding Day, and it's actually not that bad!

Then of course there is one of my favorite bands, Snow Patrol teaming up with Martha Wainwright in Set Fire to the Third Bar.

I love me some Imogean Heap, and Blue October, so Congratulations off of Blue October's Foiled CD makes the list. Such a heartbreaking song.

Lastly, comes Where the Stars Go Blue by Bethany Joy Lenz and Tyler Hilton. Now, I know Tim McGraw also sang this song, but I believe that these two do a much better job than Tim did by himself.

So sit back, and enjoy the music.

five days and counting

I've come to the conclusion that time does exactly the opposite of what you want it to. When you want the time to go fast it seems to drag on second by second, and vise versa. Last semester seemed like it dragged on forever when all I wanted was Christmas break, but yet now time seems to be flying by. Today was the first day of March, spring break starts on Friday, I finish my 2nd clinical this week--where is the time going? I am really enjoying this semester, I don't want it to be halfway over.

I do want this latest rotation to be over though. I tried to go into this rotation with an open mind, because you can never love something if you don't give it the chance, but let me tell you I got my answer in the first few minutes of the first day. Adult Medical/Surgical, which is pre-op/post-op patients, is just not my thing. Most of the patients are 65+, and not in to good of health. It seems to remind me a lot of long term care last semester, but not quite so intense. I just don't seem to be enjoying the older adult population quite as much as the younger population. Things just seem to smell worse, look worse and are just so much more depressing. Whenever I get to do nursing I always enjoy it, but this rotation I'm not really having any fun.

So needless to say, one thing I am ready to be over is this rotation. Also, I am very ready for spring break. I'm ready to be back in Texas again and to see sunshine every day.

But as always, it's not gonna come easy. I have a midterm tomorrow, two more days of clinical and a John Mayer concert to go to before I can officially call it spring break and be back on Texas soil! Five more days is all I have to keep telling myself....

and i had the best day...

I seem to have hit the traditional winter slump. I am so over winter, over the cold, over being in Omaha, but most of all over this snow and cloudy days. I want sunshine, clear skies, green grass and most importantly temperature over 32 degrees. But this was probably the best week of my semester so far- if for no other reason than the fact that I got to observe a surgery!

Now, I've been waiting to see a surgery pretty much since I walked in the doors of my first class freshman year. (That might be a little bit of an exaggeration) But really, I have been impatiently waiting to see a surgery for what feels like an eternity! And let me tell you, I was completely blown away. I had the chance to observe a complete abdominal hysterectomy, meaning that it wasn't done by scope, there was an actual abdominal incision.

And wow, that's really all I have to say about the whole experience. I've never really wanted to be a doctor, it's never really appealed to me, but this experience has the power to make me reconsider. I'm pretty sure I've ruled out becoming a scrub nurse/circulating nurse because they don't really do much, the surgeons are the ones that get to all the cool stuff. The surgeons get to deal with all the blood and guts, they get to cut people open then stitch them right back up. SO COOL. I can't even begin to describe the awe that I felt as I was standing there watching this surgery occur, I wish I could have paused the surgery and just stood there for a little bit longer.

Granted, this wasn't open heart surgery, but nevertheless it was still amazing. Just the simple fact to me that one day someone decided it would be a good idea to cut a patient open to try and cure their disease amazes me- who would think of something like that? But I guess that's the whole thing with medicine, it's all so amazing that 100 years ago half the stuff we do now wasn't even invented yet.

I mean wow, that just make you take a step back and think about things a little bit.

no habla espanol

Yet again, I seem to have come to another realization through my clinical experiences.

Right now, I just finished my second week in my pediatric rotation (which I LOVE) but last week was a little difficult for me. What made it difficult was fact that I couldn’t really communicate with both my patient, and her parents. Now, my patient was only an infant, so I didn’t come into this week expecting to hold a full conversation with her, however with her parents it was a different story. Her parent’s primary language was Spanish, which I have encountered before, but not quite to this extent. What I am used to is someone of Hispanic descent who primarily speaks Spanish, but who also understands English. This wasn't the case with my parents though. I felt like these parents didn’t really understand a word I was saying, which made me feel powerless.

I was able to do my job- I was able to assess my patient every 4 hours and correctly administer all her medications to her, but I felt like something was missing. In pediatrics communication with the parents is vital, and I really wasn't able to do that. An interpreter was called for when the physicians came to the room, so I was able to ask questions then, but the interpreter only came once a day for the two days I was there. So all the other dozen times I walked into my patient's room I was flying blind, thinking the whole time that I really should learn Spanish.

So there I was, someone who was supposed to be the advocate between the parents and the doctor, and I didn't even know what my parents were saying, or what their questions or concerns about there daughter were.

I suddenly had flashbacks to high school, where my counselor would try and stress to me how important taking a second language would be later in my life, which was a message that never seemed to get through to me. All I kept on thinking was that I should have taken that advice more seriously, because a second language is a skill that will only help you in positive ways. I know this week I really could have used even some basic Spanish like “I’m going to examine your daughter now” or “I’m here to give your daughter her medication.” Instead, I had to speak in a language that they didn't really understand, and just hope that they somewhat understand what I needed to do.

So I guess you could say now that I had my eyes opened. Now I have a desire to learn Spanish (and take it seriously) because when I decided to become a nurse I didn't decided to only be a nurse to certain people, I want to help everyone. If that means I have to do a little bit of extra schooling, then so be it, because if it's going to make me a really good nurse, then it's worth it in the end.

life, fall fast now.

Wow- I can't believe it's already FEBRUARY! (where did January go?) Oh wait- that's right I worked my little butt off all through January and now I'm feeling the repercussions. Luckily for me, February is just a little bit calmer than the month before it. I guess the new year really did start off with a bang!

Just to put it all in perspective let me tell you a little story about just how tired I was last weekend, after my first week of clinical- which should first be prefaced by my telling you that I'm not one who takes naps, at all. Okay, so last Friday I got home from clinical by 3:00ish, hurried up and finished all my paperwork so I could take a nap before going out to dinner. Let's just say that dinner never happened- because when I laid down for my nap at 3:30, I didn't really take into account just how tired I was, instead I realized it when I woke up at 10:45PM!!! Yeah, major fail. So me, being the smart person that I am, decided that after sleeping 6 hours I would eat a little dinner and go right back to sleep- and not wake up until 7:00 Saturday morning! Needless to say, I was just a little tired. I mean, it's not like I was missing out on any stellar Friday night plans, but still-for me to sleep through pretty much an entire afternoon is kind of a big deal.

Yeah, so I'm kind of glad January is over. I've already taken: 7 Quizzes, 3 tests and completed one week of clinical (geez)! And I Kappa had Recruitment the first week we got back, so that was another whirlwind! It seems that I've finally found my groove though, I seem to have finally settled into my schedule. February- I'm looking forward to you and all your calmness. Only 2 tests, and clinical- it'll practically seem like summer compared to the rate I've been going. Now only if the weather would warm up a little I would be golden! Instead, it decided to snow again, and just make me lose all hope for spring any time soon. Oh well, you win some, you lose some!

Don't forget to remember me..

It's the last day of 2009 (at least it was when I started this), which means many things are coming to a close. It's the end of the holiday season, the end of the decade, (almost) the end of winter break. But it's also the beginning of many new things, the new year always seems like the time that people make new plans, turning over new leaves. Many people see new year's eve as a time to start making new memories, new plans, to become that person they didn't become in 2009.

With the new year, the stress is put on new. New memories, new friends, new workout, new study habits, new resolutions, new, new, new... Now I'm all for making new year's resolutions, I've even made them every new year. Naturally, they never last longer than a few weeks, then I'm back to my old habits that I was trying to change.

This year, however I have a different kind of new year resolution, which I realized about a month ago. When I was in my Clinical Integration rotation we were at an assisted living facility, which also had a memory support unit (among other things) where I spent most of my time. The memory support unit consisted of older adults who had symptoms of dementia (or memory loss) and early signs of Alzheimer's. There were about 25 adults living in this unit, and no two had the same amount of memory loss. Now, I think I said that this rotation was all about communication, so I literally just found someone who wanted to talk and had a conversation with them. These conversations ranged anywhere from 20 minutes to 2 hours. As expected I spent over half the conversation answering the exact same question over and over again, but it was a conversations nevertheless. And was in these repetitive conversations that I realized perhaps my most important lesson of the semester, which I'm not even sure if I can place it into words. I'll try my best though...

Talking to these amazing people, I realized that perhaps one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person is to loose your memory. In my mind, life pretty much boils down to making memories- so what happens when no longer remember them? What happens when you slowly forget your life? So my new year's resolution this year is to REMEMBER. And to do everything I can for myself so that down the line I will still remember. If that means taking more pictures, becoming healthier, or even starting a journal- I'm down. I want to square myself away now so that when times come where I might not remember everything, I have something to look back on that will remind me, and bring back those memories and those emotions- if even for a short while. I want to do as much as I can now, so that when I can't anymore I won't look back and wish that I had been more involved, or had been better friend, or even had more fun. But another part of this is living a healthy lifestyle, because in my mind being healthy now means that I'll be healthier later on in life, which makes a world of difference in the older adult's world (as I'm learning now).

I want to remember, and not just the big things that happen, I want to remember all the little things to because as the saying goes:

"it's all the little things that make a world of difference."