sometimes all you need is one.

I really enjoy watching people, or really just observing people. Right now I’m sitting in Barnes & Noble taking a study break and realizing that people never cease to amaze me. I think what most amazes me is just how different every person is, no two are even remotely similar. This fact in and of itself is one of the main reasons I want to be a nurse. People are different in SO many ways, and yet deep down the human body is basically the same. Everyone absorbs and digests food in the same way, everyone starts out the same way, everyone physiologically fights off a virus in the same way and yet no two people are exactly the same. We are all different, but still the same.

I learned something the other day in on of our many OB lectures, and for some unknown reason it really hit me. My professor told my class that only 1% of babies born need some form of assistance with the transition from life inside the mother to life outside. Those 1% are the babies that end up in the NICU, for whatever period of time. This just amazed me, only 1%. 1% of babies, and yet that’s enough babies for pretty much every hospital to have a NICU, which means NICU nurses, NICU doctors, and the many other specialties that work in the NICU to get those babies healthy. That really puts things in perspective.

One percent is most likely about the same percentage of people that need to be hospitalized. Isn't that amazing? One percent of the population is what is going to give me a job when I graduate, 1%. That just seems crazy to me!

don't stop this train

don't for a minute change the place you're in,

and don't think for a minute I couldn't ever understand.

I tried my hand, and John, honestly we'll never stop this train.

This is how I feel about life right now, as written by one of my favorite musicians, John Mayer.

I've just returned from and excellent fall break back home, and while I didn't really do a lot of anything, I realized a lot.

I've been home a lot since starting at a school where I knew not a single soul, 11 hours from home. Not once was one of those visits home because I hated school, or because I wasn't making any friends. Yes, I got homesick and yes there were days I felt lonely-but I knew going into this that I was going to have those sorts of days. I chose to embark on this journey though college all alone, far away from the life that I once knew.

You could say that I've pretty independent, I'm one of those girls that doesn't need to be surrounded by throngs of people to know that I am loved and have friends in this world. I guess that's part of what factored into my decision to go to school so far away, but my main reason was that I wanted to re-invent myself, I wanted to discover who I was, away from people whom I knew, away from the bad memories I had of high school, away from my 'friends.'

Now, I didn't really come here knowing what exactly I was going to discover about myself, or even what I was looking for. I think I saw college as the stereotypical 'fresh start' that most people see college as. And I grown so much since freshman year, however sometimes I feel like I'm getting nowhere, like I walking the wrong way on a one way street.

But, every once in a while things come together, and it makes life's journey really worth it. The first time this happened to me was the end of my senior year of high school, and the second time is right now. I'm not quite sure when this happened, but suddenly I feel like a different person, like I really know who I am starting to become.

In my many visits home I have always gone back to my high school, mostly because my mom works there, but I've gone back and visited nonetheless. And every visit I always feel like I return to the person that I was, not the person that I've worked so hard to become. I'm not quite sure why or even how this happens, nothing special occurs. But I still felt like I had been erasing all the hard work I've done over the past two years. However, with this last trip home, and subsequent trip back to high school, I felt like was truly myself, like I had really grown into my own shoes. I felt like the young adult I am, and not the 17 year old that graduated two years ago. I felt like I am really turning into someone, who knows who they are and what they want to do with their life.

I'm not sure what triggered this realization, but I feel like I'm actually making progress, and I am actually starting to feel confident in my life and who I am. For me, this is HUGE, but I can't quite pinpoint why. I've always been confident in myself and held strong to the decisions in my life, but this feels different. And I like it. So don't stop this train, I don't want to get off.

slowly, it gets easier

Or I hope it gets easier. Midterms week is this week, and just by looking at my planner it doesn't look too daunting- one test, one paper. But alas, I couldn't be that lucky. I just started studying for my test yesterday, I haven't even thought about the paper and don't even get me started about all the work for clinical this week.

I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that every junior nursing student has at least one breakdown fall semester. But now I understand, there are some points where there is not nearly enough time in a day to complete everything you need to do. The world keeps turning and you can't quite seem to catch up.

I think if I try and learn one more concept, drug or have to do one more nursing diagnosis my brain might just explode. But I don't get that luxury this week- this week is going to be overloaded. But it's all part of the process, and the learning curve. If I can just make it though Wednesday night, things will get better. I will get a break (a real weekend!), I will get to watch TV and not feel guilty about it, I will get to have some fun and push school to the back of my mind for a few days. That is what will get me though this week.

Numero Uno!

So here I sit, on the eve of my 2nd Care Management test and what do I do, but start a blog!

It's 10 o'clock and I've done about all the studying my brain can take- at least until tomorrow when it'll be time to start studying for Informatics. One of my friends inspired me to start something that I can look back on. Nursing school is intense, to say the least, and I would like to be able to reflect a little on my experiences as I make my way through the last two years, and most importantly clinicals.

My first clinical ended last Wednesday, I finished school screenings! I absloutley LOVED it, but then anyone that knows me knows I could easily spend the rest of my days surrounded by children and be completely happy. Now, I probably won't end up being a school nurse, but it was a great experience, and in my opinion a awesome first clinical.

This is the first weekend where it's Sunday night and I actually am feeling good about the week ahead of me. I may not have done all of my homework, or studied as much as I should have, but I am okay with that. Maybe it's my exhaustion and information-overloaded brain catching up to me, or maybe I am finally starting to get the hang of it (nursing school, that is).

Whatever it is, I am hoping that is next Care test will turn out a little better than the last one, I am hoping that I finally got the hang of how to study for these tests.

All I know is that this is the start to a new week, and I am going to do the best I can to make it though! I start Long Term Care this week, so I won't be expecting to have to much free time, or really any at all. Let's just say this is going to be a very interesting week!