Last, but first

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 is the day that I had my last "first day of school." And let me tell you as far as first days go, this was far from the most exciting. My day wasn't filled with the excitement of walking into class and quickly scanning the room to find which friends were in this class, there was no dread or worry over if I got the "good" teacher. No, there was none of this, instead I walked into the classroom and knew right where I was going to sit- the same exact spot I sat in all last year, right next to the same exact person I did last year and while the teacher wasn't exactly the same, I had listened to her lecture at least once last year. So as far as first days of school go, this was pretty b-o-r-i-n-g, except for you know, the fact that it was my very last one.

Why? Well It's my senior year of college, which in my humble opinion is quite scary. It's hard for me to believe that 18 years ago today (or around this day) I walked into Kindergarten looking like this:

And now, here I am embarking on one of the last chapters in a major aspect of my life. Senior year- it's something everyone hopes to reach someday very soon, but yet once it arrives it seems far to early for everything to be over. I know I have dreamed of days where I don't have to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to cram for that big test, or to finish up the last few words on that major paper due in just a few hours but yet now that I see the end in sight, I'm at a loss for what to think.

All I have ever known, for the past 18 years from August-June is to wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, work out, eat dinner, sleep, wake up and do it all again (with some variation of course). What am I going to do when I come home and don't have to whip out my school books and crack down on my reading, or spend hours upon hours hostage to the library? Yes, I do know that I'll have a "real" job and be in the "real" world with "real" responsibilities, but still.

Perhaps I'll actually be able to sleep, imagine that! Or maybe I'll take up some hobby like underwater basket-weaving to fill my time that would normally be filled with school work.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about the future, and all that is in store for me, but it's a scary thought. For once my life plan isn't laid out in front of me, I'm not sure exactly what I should do, where I should go next. It's a completely blank slate, which is something I have never experienced before. My life in, oh, about 9.5 months is going to make a 180 degree turn from the pattern I have followed for so long to something COMPLETELY different. I can't even imagine. I mean, a world without homework? I'm not even quite sure it exists. ( I'll believe it when I see it)

I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

So bring it on.

I'm ready.

Well not really, just kinda ready.

Okay, not ready at all.

Jill came tumbling after

What a week it has been!

First, I finished my first bike race! It was quite the challenge to- 27 miles, which really wasn't that bad. The bad part was the hills! I haven't really ridden hills before--Texas is about as flat as a pancake, and boy was it tough! But I survived, and did the 27 miles in about a hour and 45 minutes--which is about what I expected! Now that I've got that under my belt, I've decided to tackle 58 miles (flat miles) in a race on June 27th! So I've slowly been working up my miles for that, but I've still got work to do.

Second- boy oh boy did I take quite the tumble today. It was truly quite the accident. I was riding with one of my friends and my tire got stuck in a crack in the cement, and down I went. Now, we were going about 20-22 miles/hour so I went down pretty hard. Luckily I broke no bones, like my mom did last week- I just scraped myself up pretty badly and COMPLETELY ripped both my front tire and the inner tube.

So my first big fall, got that one under my belt now too. Good news is my bike is okay, and I am okay, and if my tire was repairable I probably would have gotten right back on my bike and kept on riding.

What is really funny (in a morbid kind of way) is that exactly one week ago my Mom fell off of her bike and severely broke her arm. Now hers was a little bit different circumstance, but she called my dad to come pick her up (who was freaking out) then exactly one week later I fall and call my dad to come pick me up (who was freaking out even more). So now he's decided he's just not cut out for this sort of thing, we're going to give him a heart attack if he keeps on getting these sort of calls. So from now on if I fall, which will happen, I think I'm going to call my brother and save my father some anxiety.

Luck was on my side today, I know it could have been much, much worse. So I'm going to count my lucky stars and hope that if I fall again I can only be so lucky.

sit back and enjoy the ride

I'm sort of an ambitious person. At least in the sense of physical fitness. I have found that I always need a challenge, I always need something to work for, and not in the easy "I want to look better in a bathing-suit kind-of way." No, I need a challenge, I need something to work for. So, this past semester I decided that I wanted to take up cycling.

Now, this isn't a totally new concept for me, my main workout throughout college has been riding the stationary bike in the gym. But my competitive nature crept through and just riding the bike wasn't enough, I needed to be riding it for a reason, a purpose. I then decided to do some research and concluded that I didn't just want to ride, I wanted to race, and not just any race, I wanted to do a 100 mile race (called a century ride).

I had a slight problem however, or a few problems- at the time I decided I wanted to do this century ride it was the middle of the winter in Omaha (meaning a good foot of snow on the ground) which actually wasn't that big as my next problem: I didn't own a bike. But, nonetheless I decided that this should be my goal for the year- finish a century ride. So I started training, riding the little stationary bike and I slowly got more and more excited because for the first time since I had to stop playing basketball I had found something that I genuinely enjoyed doing.

And then finals happened, and I got out of my routine, working out got put on hold as I tried to complete my then current goal (to finish the year strong), which I did! (2 B+ and 1 A!!) but then I came home and sumer started and I found that I didn't really enjoy the stationary bike anymore. Perhaps because I no longer had notes to study and pass the time as I rode, but whatever the reason I found myself avoiding the bike, or even the gym altogether so I wouldn't have to sit there and ride. Then I got to talking with my mom, and we decided that this century was something that we really wanted to do, and if we were going to get serious about it we needed some road bikes. So we went our local bike store, took the plunge, and got serious.

So for the past 2ish weeks my life has consisted of early evening bike rides and LOTS of sleeping (who knew 20 miles could make you so tired!) Nonetheless I am slowly getting there, learning little by little everything I need to survive my first century (I already have stories!).

In short, since I don't have nursing school to talk about for the next 3 months, I figured I would switch over to my adventures (and failures) of cycling. Tomorrow I am waking up bright and early to try and go 25 miles (and still be breathing when I'm done) so ready or not, here I go!

And here's a lovely picture of me trying to figure out clip-less pedals (excuse the hair)

--this was after I fell over after FINALLY clipping both feet in

I have been changed for good

A recap of Junior year:

-I learned how to destroy entire wheel (and rim), with the help of a few potholes.

-I learned how to insert an IV (on a plastic arm).

-I drove to and from Omaha many times.

-I got to watch a surgery first hand.

-I learned that I never EVER ever want to work in long term care.

-I dominated care management. hands down.

-I managed to make it through another year without a single all-nighter.

-I saw a life come into the world.

-I got not 1, not 2 but THREE flat tires.

-I really, really enjoyed Pediatrics.

-I decided that winter really isn't my thing.

-I realized that all that Spanish in high school really was kind of important.

-I finished up my term as House Chairman in Kappa

-I had my very first clinical patient, whom I will never forget

-I learned that I like change.

-I came to the conclusion that OB, Long Term Care, Psych really aren't for me.

There are of course many, many other aspects of this past year that make it memorable, but most can't be recapped in a few words. It was a very good year, and I really can't believe it's over. More importantly, I can't believe that next year is senior year. It's scary to think about, that I have to enter the real world soon. But for now it's summer, and summer time means that I'm on vacation from school, from thinking about school, from even thinking about the real world. This is my last real summer, and I plan on taking full advantage of it.

train-wreck, I'm a train-wreck

These past two days I've spent my time in a Special Care Psychiatric unit. This means that I was with the most crazy of the mentally ill. These people were hearing voices, extremely depressed or suicidal.

Walking into the unit I was a little overwhelmed, as I'm sure most people would be. I had just toured the whole psychiatric wing and the last part was the Special Care Unit, which was very different from the other 2 units I had just come from. Those were very open, with lots of common areas and people sitting out, together. This Special Care Unit was one long hallway with a small common area, but with the nurse's station completely closed off by plexiglass. Needless to say, it was a little intimidating.

But I soon found that really, there was nothing much to be scared of. These people, while being a little crazy, were still just people. Now, I'm not saying that they all didn't have their fair share of issues, but that was no reason for me to think of them in any different light.

So, once I realized this and got over my little fear of the unknown I actually got to have some

pretty decent conversations with some of the men on the unit. And let me tell you, my mind was blown away. big time. I talked with one man about how he, and his son, both made meth in their basements, and consequently became addicted to it. Let me just say, this man was about 60 years old. 60 years old and addicted to methamphetamine, among other things. Can you imagine? Funny enough, I just had a lecture in class about substance abuse and all I could think about in class was the man that I had talked to who has been taking meth for a long, long time.

As a nursing major, I have a philosophy that because I am going into the health care field and am going to be taking care of others I need to first take care of myself. I try to eat healthy, work out on regular occasions and stay away from things that could potentially harm my body, whether now or later in life. To me, taking such addictive and dangerous drugs like meth, or even cigarettes just seems to me like you're throwing your life away. I know that everyone's live varies and under certain circumstances who's to say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. But as I sat looking around at the patients in this Special Care Unit, where most of the patients not only had severe mental illness but also some sort of drug addiction, and all I could think of is why would you ever want to start taking something like meth? I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to hear voices, or have violent mood swings, but to add on top of that also going through withdrawal- how bad it must be. I mean, I'm sure withdrawal alone would be enough to make me crazy.

Needless to say, this week was kind of crazy (no pun intended). I'm excited for this coming week, with my second week in Psych- hopefully I'll get to talk to some more people and learn more about just how much mental illness can affect one's life.

where soul meets body

I'm kind of into making goals right now. Little goals and big goals, like- not sleep through my alarm in the morning, make it though this class, stand up a little straighter, work out today, eat a little better, study a little harder. All these sort of sprung from my little Lenten goal this year.

Now I'm Catholic, and I really like the Easter season, or actually I like Lent, and everything it symbolizes. I don't think I take Lent in the same way most people do though. Back in confirmation class I came to learn that Lent isn't so much about giving something up for 40 days and then picking it right back up as soon as Easter rolls around. Instead, Lent is a time where you should try and embark on something that will better yourself as a person, something that you will keep with you long after the season is over. This year for Lent I gave up slouching, but I prefer to think of it as standing up straight ALL THE TIME. Now, you may say ha- what's that got to do with anything. But alas, as a 6'2 female, it means something quite different to me as it does the average height person. My life is spent slouching down and crouching down to fit into a world that was made for someone of 5'6-5'9- not someone over six feet tall, especially a female. So I decided that for Lent I would work of standing up straight, and being proud to be so tall. I found that standing up straight had so much more meaning for me than simply improving my posture. Now that Lent is over I find myself with a new confidence that I have not really had before. Now when I walk into someplace new I am standing up tall and not slouching in an attempt to shrink away so as to not stand out. Now I walk around with purpose.

This new confidence has given my the idea of continuing on Lenten idea throughout the year, not just during the season of Easter. I want to set little goals for myself and work on that specific idea for about a 4-5 week period.

So my new goal is to finish this school year out strong, focusing on actually paying attention in class (aka not bringing my laptop). There's only 5 weeks left of school, which other than being a scary thought, means that I have 5 weeks to go out with a bang. In these 5 weeks I have one last clinical rotation, about 6 exams, and 17 days of classes left. So this shouldn't be to difficult, that's what you're thinking- I know. But I think it's going to be harder than it sounds, this last month since spring break I really haven't had any motivation to do much of anything- and I really mean it. I've been slacking off to the extreme, but not anymore.

So bring it on. I can do this.

Baby can I hold you?

Today is going down in the record books.

Today my breath was taken away.

Today I got to watch a life come into this world.

Today I got to watch that life take her first breaths in this world.

Today I got to witness one of the many miracles of the human body.

Today I got to give that little miracle her very first bath.

Today I got to see to joy in her parents eyes as they held her for the first time.

Today my mind is so overcome with the emotions of joy, awe and happiness;

I am literally speechless.

Today is a day I will never forget.