time well spent

I AM A NURSE! 

I passed the NCLEX, and have officially been issued a license by the state board of Texas!

Four years, millions of hours studying has paid off, because I will never have to take the NCLEX again!

SO EXCITED! 

(even though it's only starting to sink in)

because I knew you

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason

 bringing something we must learn, 

and we are lead to those who help us most to grow, 

if we let them, and we help them in return

Well I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun

like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime

so let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you

you'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end, 

I know you have re-written mine

by being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea

like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you I have been changed for good

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you, because I knew you

I have been changed for good

--For Good, Wicked

lost in this moment

Last Thursday was a day that I will never forget. It was my second to last day at Creighton, but that's not why it was so memorable.

Throughout the semester my classmates and I were divided into 9 online discussion groups, and today our discussion groups presented a wrap up of our semester. Each group had to choose a Jesuit Value, and talk a little bit about it. My group chose "Finding God in All Things" and then each of us got to talk about an experience in clinical this past semester where we found God. Most groups presentations followed along this same format, some groups chose "Cura Personalis" (care of the whole person)- but in my mind all the Jesuit Values run together- so basically it was just all of us sharing some meaningful or difficult experiences during our preceptorship where we were able to remember that God is among us all, even in the worst situations.

Many of the stories shared dealt with the death of a patient, which I was fortunate to not experience, but many of my classmates were not so fortunate. It struck me how many of them had experienced a patient death, and then to hear them talk about it was almost heartbreaking. I know there were a few moments where every person in the room had tears in their eyes. And while is was so heartbreaking, it was also inspiring- I know I could see how much each one of us had grown in the past semester. We all had gone down our own paths, and yet when we came back together we all had generally the same stories/experience. We all share basic values that will carry us through our nursing careers, no matter where we end up.

teach me about tomorrow

This past week was my very last week of clinical, and I had perhaps one of my most memorable experiences. It wasn't necessarily bad or good, but it really makes you wonder why the worst things seem to happen to the best families.

I had this adorable little girl, whom I had seen being pulled around the floor in a wagon by her parents the day before- she seemed just as happy as could be. Before going into assess this little girl my nurse stopped me and told me the background information and she herself made a comment about how life seems to hit the nicest families the hardest sometimes, and how it can really make you wonder. Once I met this family, I knew exactly what she was talking about. This little girl had just been diagnosed with a neuroblastoma, a type of cancer that tents to be bad if it's diagnosed in kinds older than 1 year old (she was about 3). Of course, that sort of information isn't something you want to go right in and tell the parents, I mean you can't really tell anybody that. However, I think the parents knew it was going to be a long, hard road ahead of them, but their strength blew me away.

I had to take a step back to grab a hold of my feelings and not let how worried I was about her, with just being diagnosed and not having a very good chance of having a good outcome influence or change my care and responses to the family. The family was so positive, I don’t believe I heard a negative word come out of mom or dad’s mouth the entire day, it truly amazed me. Mom made a comment after brushing her daughter’s hair that "she was savoring it while she can, because very soon she is going to loose all of her hair." She even said that they usually give her son a buzz cut over the summertime, so maybe this summer all 3 children (the patient had twin sister as well) would have buzz cuts for the summer and they would just call it their “summer hair.” When she said this it almost brought me to tears, and I had to step away for a moment to compose myself again. It was something so simple, and she said it so matter-of-factly that it genuinely took me by surprise. The knew what the reality was going to be and they just accepted it so gracefully, taking everything in stride.

This patient really showed me just how much you are able to stay positive throughout a bad situation, and how that really makes a difference in the patient- she was happy go lucky all day long. It really made me take a step back and see how easy it can be to find God even in the hardest of situations, and have faith that He has a plan- even if we aren’t able to see what that plan may be or where it may lead.

I'll carry you home

I recently had to write a discussion post about spirituality, and what it means to me along with how I have used/experienced it in my preceptorship thus far:

(to preface, the first paragraph is about what I think spirituality is, and if there can be a universal definition. The second paragraph is about how I have given 'spiritual' care in my preceptorship)

I do not believe that there can be a universal, concrete definition of spirituality. I think that spirituality is so unique to every individual that trying to define it would prove impossible. I do however, agree with the definition of the human spirit in the Tinley article, which states that the spirit “is the essence of a human being, the source of life, what makes an individual uniquely human." One’s spirit however though, is something completely different from one’s spirituality; they are two completely different entities. To me, spirituality is a belief in something more, it’s what wakes you up in the morning, what gives you the drive to go on, what pulls you towards the direction you are meant to go down the path of life. When talking about each individual, their spirit is the basis of their spirituality, but each person lives this out in a different way. I do believe, however, that people can work to understand each other’s definition of spirituality. By understanding what spirituality means to others, you are able to work with them and delve down the path of spiritual care, from which both parties can learn and grow from one another

Being in the pediatric setting, I feel like I see a different side of spiritual care. With the younger infants, who are unable to talk or tell me what they are afraid of or how they need comforting, spiritual care ties into the physical comfort. To me, I see spiritual care as comforting the crying infant, whom all other interventions have failed on, except physical contact and comfort. Just this past week I had a 1 year old patient, who was alone the majority of the day, but who desperately wanted company. She would cry all day long, not because she was in pain or hungry, but simply because she wanted someone to snuggle and hold her, someone to comfort her. I realized this was what she wanted when she would immediately calm down as soon as someone stepped foot through the door, she would immediately reach for you and once you were holding her she wasn’t going to let you go. I also feel that spiritual care in pediatrics is comforting the parents by constantly keeping them updated on the plan of care or any changed in their child’s health. When an adult is stressed, especially about their child, their whole psyche is thrown off balance, including their spirituality. No parent wants to see their child suffer, and sometimes just knowing that the health care team is doing all they can helps calm everything back down. I had one parent who was very religious, however she only spoke Guatemalan, and therefore it was very difficult to communicate with her. With the language barrier I could still see how worried she was, and therefore I made sure to talk to her over the blue-phone and try my best to reassure her that her son was fine, he was not dying, and he would be going home soon. I also asked her if there was a pastor I could contact for her, I had noticed how she was constantly praying, and I was actually able to get in contact with her pastor and ask him to come up to pray with my parent because I was unable to. I feel that this act of simply asking if she wanted anyone to come talk to her helped her spiritually.

fits like a glove

I recently went home for spring break (as usual) and while I was home my mom and I decided we would make some scrubs! Because I am at Children's all semester, I can wear scrubs other than the navy ones Creighton makes us wear. This fact alone is very exciting, and then add to it the fact that my mom and I could make our own! It all was very exciting, mostly because of the fact that we could customize the scrubs to fit me PERFECTLY! Being so tall, and having such a long torso, it's generally pretty dang hard to find any top-let alone a scrub top that is long enough for me. Luckily for me though, I have a mom who is pretty well skilled on the sewing machine! So we went a little crazy and made like 7 tops- which may not seem like much except for the fact that I only have 5 weeks left. It's still pretty cool though, and I will definitely enjoy waking up at 5:30 in the morning a little more knowing that I get to look super cute!

timing is everything

This last semester of my time at Creighton is a little different. I have what is called my nursing preceptorship, which is basically like an internship. I'm paired up with a nurse and basically work her schedule, three 12-hour shifts per week. We have 10 weeks to complete 320 hours, and that's really all the "school" I have. And let me tell you, it's been quite the whirlwind.

My first week was a friday-saturday-sunday, and let's say I didn't quite make it to Sunday. Friday and Saturday were awesome, I love the nurse I am paired with and the floor I'm on, but I guess my body needed a little more time to adjust. I woke up on that Sunday sick as a dog, and stayed that way all week long. After I finally felt better and was able to back to Children's every nurse kept telling me "getting sick is normal when you first come into peds, it's like sending a kid to daycare, they pick up everything." I'm hoping that got out of my system now, and that I'll be good to go the rest of the semester. I've been back at school for 5ish weeks and I've managed to be sick all but 2 of them, or at least that's what it feels like.

I did make it through my next 3 in a row, however, and I don't think I have ever been so tired. I made it through all 3 days feeling great, not really understanding why everyone talks about hating working 3 in a row. Waking up on that fourth day though, it all sunk in. I was so tired my alarm went off for probably a good 5 minutes before I even realized it. I finally realized why all those people were complaining, it suddenly all made so much sense. Luckily, I have had a few days to recover since then, but it's almost time for me to do it all over again. I'll write again about all the exciting things I've gotten the chance to do this semester thus far- and there are many, many exciting things!

I'll chase the hurt

Two weeks into school and I have yet to start my clinical, I'm at Children's Hospital all semester. I'll be working like a full-time nurse with 3 12-hours shifts. I'm super excited to start, but I have yet to learn my schedule, so we'll see how that goes.

Anyways, as one of our 10 assignments for this semester I recently had to write a paper about my personal philosophy on nursing and I thought I would share the first half with you (the second half is all about Creighton's mission statement). I apologize- it's kind of long.

Throughout every step of nursing school, I have been constantly reaffirmed that this is the profession I was born to be in, however I was not always aware of that. When I was growing up, the thought of becoming a nurse never crossed my mind, until one day when everything changed. I went from being a normal high school athlete to a couch-ridden, back brace wearing 15 year old. I suddenly was in the doctor’s office every other week, getting countless tests done to try and find the cause of my mysterious back pain. For the next 15 months I would come to know my physicians and nurses quite well specifically my orthopedist, Dr. C. After I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a connective tissue disorder that was attributed as the cause of my back pain, I went in for a 6-month follow-up appointment with Dr. C. At this point I was in fairly good health, having stopped the activities that were the cause of my pain, and Dr. C made a comment that forever changed my path in life. He said “you know, it’s usually the kids who spend as much time as you did in hospitals and doctor’s offices that usually end up going into the health care field,” and that really struck me. Prior to that statement, I had not even considered a career in health care, but with that statement in my mind I did a bit of research and decided that I felt a calling to the profession of nursing. Based on the little research that I had done, I decided to start looking for schools with well-known nursing programs and I chose to go to Creighton, somewhat on a whim. Thinking back, I think it was fate that lead me to Creighton, because as a senior in high school I truly could not have known how perfect of a fit Creighton would be for me, and just how good for me it would be.

Because of my experiences in high school, I have a more personal nursing philosophy, which I believe makes me a better nurse. The deciding factor for me with nursing was that nurses have the chance to make the biggest impact on their patients, because they are the first and last face that the patient sees when the enter and then later are discharged from the hospital. I have reflected on my time in and out of doctor’s offices, and I have learned in my clinical experiences how to make what could potentially be a very bad time in my patient’s life a little more positive. One part of my philosophy on nursing is that I will make every patient feel a little better about his/her life, and make the experience of being a patient more positive than negative, despite the negative reasons for his/her admittance. I have also learned from both my personal experience and my Creighton education that nurses should look below the surface, and to not just treat one symptom but to take a step back to examine and then treat the whole person. I have learned that sometimes the a breakthrough in treatment is found when one person steps back and looks at the patient as a whole, not just the presenting symptom. I have always had a strong faith in God, and my faith has taught me that all people are created equal, and deserve to get fair and equal care, no matter the circumstances. With all of these aspects in mind, my philosophy about nursing is to always provide unbiased, holistic, patient centered care for every person.

as we go on..

This is going to be a big year for me. A year of many big milestones such as:

1. Graduating from college.

2. Turning twenty-two.

3. Getting my first real job.

4. Completing my first Century Ride.

5. Becoming a RN, BSN.

With each one of these comes a challenge, but I'm looking forward to it. I've hit the point in school where I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I can almost reach it. I'm so close but can't believe that it's almost over, that a new chapter in my life is about to begin.

life in reverse

just a few of my favorite pictures from this past year....