I have been changed for good

A recap of Junior year:

-I learned how to destroy entire wheel (and rim), with the help of a few potholes.

-I learned how to insert an IV (on a plastic arm).

-I drove to and from Omaha many times.

-I got to watch a surgery first hand.

-I learned that I never EVER ever want to work in long term care.

-I dominated care management. hands down.

-I managed to make it through another year without a single all-nighter.

-I saw a life come into the world.

-I got not 1, not 2 but THREE flat tires.

-I really, really enjoyed Pediatrics.

-I decided that winter really isn't my thing.

-I realized that all that Spanish in high school really was kind of important.

-I finished up my term as House Chairman in Kappa

-I had my very first clinical patient, whom I will never forget

-I learned that I like change.

-I came to the conclusion that OB, Long Term Care, Psych really aren't for me.

There are of course many, many other aspects of this past year that make it memorable, but most can't be recapped in a few words. It was a very good year, and I really can't believe it's over. More importantly, I can't believe that next year is senior year. It's scary to think about, that I have to enter the real world soon. But for now it's summer, and summer time means that I'm on vacation from school, from thinking about school, from even thinking about the real world. This is my last real summer, and I plan on taking full advantage of it.

train-wreck, I'm a train-wreck

These past two days I've spent my time in a Special Care Psychiatric unit. This means that I was with the most crazy of the mentally ill. These people were hearing voices, extremely depressed or suicidal.

Walking into the unit I was a little overwhelmed, as I'm sure most people would be. I had just toured the whole psychiatric wing and the last part was the Special Care Unit, which was very different from the other 2 units I had just come from. Those were very open, with lots of common areas and people sitting out, together. This Special Care Unit was one long hallway with a small common area, but with the nurse's station completely closed off by plexiglass. Needless to say, it was a little intimidating.

But I soon found that really, there was nothing much to be scared of. These people, while being a little crazy, were still just people. Now, I'm not saying that they all didn't have their fair share of issues, but that was no reason for me to think of them in any different light.

So, once I realized this and got over my little fear of the unknown I actually got to have some

pretty decent conversations with some of the men on the unit. And let me tell you, my mind was blown away. big time. I talked with one man about how he, and his son, both made meth in their basements, and consequently became addicted to it. Let me just say, this man was about 60 years old. 60 years old and addicted to methamphetamine, among other things. Can you imagine? Funny enough, I just had a lecture in class about substance abuse and all I could think about in class was the man that I had talked to who has been taking meth for a long, long time.

As a nursing major, I have a philosophy that because I am going into the health care field and am going to be taking care of others I need to first take care of myself. I try to eat healthy, work out on regular occasions and stay away from things that could potentially harm my body, whether now or later in life. To me, taking such addictive and dangerous drugs like meth, or even cigarettes just seems to me like you're throwing your life away. I know that everyone's live varies and under certain circumstances who's to say that I wouldn't have done the same thing. But as I sat looking around at the patients in this Special Care Unit, where most of the patients not only had severe mental illness but also some sort of drug addiction, and all I could think of is why would you ever want to start taking something like meth? I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to hear voices, or have violent mood swings, but to add on top of that also going through withdrawal- how bad it must be. I mean, I'm sure withdrawal alone would be enough to make me crazy.

Needless to say, this week was kind of crazy (no pun intended). I'm excited for this coming week, with my second week in Psych- hopefully I'll get to talk to some more people and learn more about just how much mental illness can affect one's life.

where soul meets body

I'm kind of into making goals right now. Little goals and big goals, like- not sleep through my alarm in the morning, make it though this class, stand up a little straighter, work out today, eat a little better, study a little harder. All these sort of sprung from my little Lenten goal this year.

Now I'm Catholic, and I really like the Easter season, or actually I like Lent, and everything it symbolizes. I don't think I take Lent in the same way most people do though. Back in confirmation class I came to learn that Lent isn't so much about giving something up for 40 days and then picking it right back up as soon as Easter rolls around. Instead, Lent is a time where you should try and embark on something that will better yourself as a person, something that you will keep with you long after the season is over. This year for Lent I gave up slouching, but I prefer to think of it as standing up straight ALL THE TIME. Now, you may say ha- what's that got to do with anything. But alas, as a 6'2 female, it means something quite different to me as it does the average height person. My life is spent slouching down and crouching down to fit into a world that was made for someone of 5'6-5'9- not someone over six feet tall, especially a female. So I decided that for Lent I would work of standing up straight, and being proud to be so tall. I found that standing up straight had so much more meaning for me than simply improving my posture. Now that Lent is over I find myself with a new confidence that I have not really had before. Now when I walk into someplace new I am standing up tall and not slouching in an attempt to shrink away so as to not stand out. Now I walk around with purpose.

This new confidence has given my the idea of continuing on Lenten idea throughout the year, not just during the season of Easter. I want to set little goals for myself and work on that specific idea for about a 4-5 week period.

So my new goal is to finish this school year out strong, focusing on actually paying attention in class (aka not bringing my laptop). There's only 5 weeks left of school, which other than being a scary thought, means that I have 5 weeks to go out with a bang. In these 5 weeks I have one last clinical rotation, about 6 exams, and 17 days of classes left. So this shouldn't be to difficult, that's what you're thinking- I know. But I think it's going to be harder than it sounds, this last month since spring break I really haven't had any motivation to do much of anything- and I really mean it. I've been slacking off to the extreme, but not anymore.

So bring it on. I can do this.