you've been night timing baby

Recently, I switched from night shift to day shift.  This means I now do 7am-7pm, instead of the other way around. As much as I loved my night shifts and my fellow night-shifters, I'm very ready to get assimilated back into the 'normal' daytime world.  While working days may impede my social night life a little (those 5:45am alarms come awfully early on Saturday morning) I am much, much more of a morning person than a night owl. Up until my first night shift, I had never pulled an all-nighter, like ever.  Much to my surprise though, I adapted pretty quickly and soon grew fond of my night shift.  What I wasn't fond of, however, was how easily I slept in until 4 or 5pm on any given day.  I think that was the biggest deciding factor for me when requesting to move. I wanted to be able to 'sleep in' and still have most of my day ahead of me.

I learned many things while working nights, and I'm interested to see how day shift measures up in the weeks to come.

things I have learned since I started working the night shift:

-There are indeed grocery stores open at 2:00 in the morning,
-However, gas stations do in fact close.
-It is impossible for me to do anything coherent after working (THIS IS ACTUALLY FALSE,  occasionally)
-I do not need caffeine to get through a shift
-Redbox/Netflix has been my saving grace on nights I don't work
-one can bake a LOT of cupcakes at 1:00am.
-once getting off work, it never ceases to surprise me that it's sunny outside.
-I am able to sleep for ungodly hours at a time, in the complete daylight.

things I have learned since switch off night shifts:
(in the whole week it's been)

- I have ingrained into my head military time.
-I am constantly surprised when I get off work and it gets dark like 30 minutes later.
-my theory of "I can function on 4 hours of sleep" still pretty much applies
-to all my night shift friends I have 'crossed over to the dark side'
-the amount of energy I have after work is outstanding, I mean I can actually get things done on days I work.
-one can bake a LOT of cookies on her days off.
-I have grown very fond of naps
-I now appreciate even more being able to wake up and have the whole day ahead of me.

here we are

I've made it through my first week on my own! Now I'm not up to a full assignment...they sort of ease you into that- but I also no longer have someone double checking everything I do.  This also means that I no longer have that same back up person to fall back on when a parent asks a question I don't know the answer to, which is what I am the most scared of.  What happens when I get a question and I have no idea what the answer is, how do I tell a parent that while still keeping up their confidence in me.  What do I do when a kid doesn't react to a medication or treatment the way they should, how do I react?  I know these answers will come in time, but it's a little daunting just how much I don't know.  I can only hope that I get understand parents who will not get frustrated with me as I am gaining my bearings.  I can only hope that I can get a little more comfortable day by day, until I wake up one day knowing that I know what I am doing, inside and out.

blank page

Seeing that it's basically February I suppose I could do a reacap of this past year, which was a pretty monumental one for my books.  

I not only graduated college (with honors) with my BSN, but I also passed boards and became a registered nurse in Texas, and in Omaha. I also got a job- not just any job, but my dream job.  I literally love going into work and look forward to my nights spent with the little kiddos.  

I went on my first vacation with just my friends, to where else but the beach.  We took a little day trip up into Philadelphia where I did cool things like taking pictures with the liberty bell.  

Perhaps the most important thing that happened this last year was I got a puppy! My sweet little Darcy who happens to be a ball of fire and energy keeps me company on my days off. 

Not one, but two of my very best friends got married and I had the honor of being in both of the weddings and getting to spend the day with them.  I find it a little hard to believe that I can have two married friends, but I guess that just goes to show that I'm actually growing up.  

I'm excited for what this year has in store for me. Last year was filled with so many monumental milestones, I'm not sure how this year is going to stand up.  I've been thinking about my goals for this year, and how last year most of my goals dealt with school, and this year it's hard to imagine life without it.  I'm thinking that my goals for this year will look something like this:

1. Run (at least) 5 5ks, with Darcy of course.

2. Learn how to properly change a tire on my bike, amongst other things I should know how to do.

3. Travel to someplace I haven't been before.

4. Enroll in a class. 

time well spent

I AM A NURSE! 

I passed the NCLEX, and have officially been issued a license by the state board of Texas!

Four years, millions of hours studying has paid off, because I will never have to take the NCLEX again!

SO EXCITED! 

(even though it's only starting to sink in)

because I knew you

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason

 bringing something we must learn, 

and we are lead to those who help us most to grow, 

if we let them, and we help them in return

Well I don't know if I believe that's true

But I know I'm who I am today because I knew you

Like a comet pulled from orbit as it passes the sun

like a stream that meets a boulder halfway through the wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

It well may be that we will never meet again in this lifetime

so let me say before we part, so much of me is made of what I learned from you

you'll be with me, like a handprint on my heart

And now whatever way our stories end, 

I know you have re-written mine

by being my friend

Like a ship blown from its mooring by a wind off the sea

like a seed dropped by a skybird in a distant wood

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

But because I knew you I have been changed for good

Who can say if I've been changed for the better?

I do believe I have been changed for the better.

And because I knew you, because I knew you

I have been changed for good

--For Good, Wicked

lost in this moment

Last Thursday was a day that I will never forget. It was my second to last day at Creighton, but that's not why it was so memorable.

Throughout the semester my classmates and I were divided into 9 online discussion groups, and today our discussion groups presented a wrap up of our semester. Each group had to choose a Jesuit Value, and talk a little bit about it. My group chose "Finding God in All Things" and then each of us got to talk about an experience in clinical this past semester where we found God. Most groups presentations followed along this same format, some groups chose "Cura Personalis" (care of the whole person)- but in my mind all the Jesuit Values run together- so basically it was just all of us sharing some meaningful or difficult experiences during our preceptorship where we were able to remember that God is among us all, even in the worst situations.

Many of the stories shared dealt with the death of a patient, which I was fortunate to not experience, but many of my classmates were not so fortunate. It struck me how many of them had experienced a patient death, and then to hear them talk about it was almost heartbreaking. I know there were a few moments where every person in the room had tears in their eyes. And while is was so heartbreaking, it was also inspiring- I know I could see how much each one of us had grown in the past semester. We all had gone down our own paths, and yet when we came back together we all had generally the same stories/experience. We all share basic values that will carry us through our nursing careers, no matter where we end up.

teach me about tomorrow

This past week was my very last week of clinical, and I had perhaps one of my most memorable experiences. It wasn't necessarily bad or good, but it really makes you wonder why the worst things seem to happen to the best families.

I had this adorable little girl, whom I had seen being pulled around the floor in a wagon by her parents the day before- she seemed just as happy as could be. Before going into assess this little girl my nurse stopped me and told me the background information and she herself made a comment about how life seems to hit the nicest families the hardest sometimes, and how it can really make you wonder. Once I met this family, I knew exactly what she was talking about. This little girl had just been diagnosed with a neuroblastoma, a type of cancer that tents to be bad if it's diagnosed in kinds older than 1 year old (she was about 3). Of course, that sort of information isn't something you want to go right in and tell the parents, I mean you can't really tell anybody that. However, I think the parents knew it was going to be a long, hard road ahead of them, but their strength blew me away.

I had to take a step back to grab a hold of my feelings and not let how worried I was about her, with just being diagnosed and not having a very good chance of having a good outcome influence or change my care and responses to the family. The family was so positive, I don’t believe I heard a negative word come out of mom or dad’s mouth the entire day, it truly amazed me. Mom made a comment after brushing her daughter’s hair that "she was savoring it while she can, because very soon she is going to loose all of her hair." She even said that they usually give her son a buzz cut over the summertime, so maybe this summer all 3 children (the patient had twin sister as well) would have buzz cuts for the summer and they would just call it their “summer hair.” When she said this it almost brought me to tears, and I had to step away for a moment to compose myself again. It was something so simple, and she said it so matter-of-factly that it genuinely took me by surprise. The knew what the reality was going to be and they just accepted it so gracefully, taking everything in stride.

This patient really showed me just how much you are able to stay positive throughout a bad situation, and how that really makes a difference in the patient- she was happy go lucky all day long. It really made me take a step back and see how easy it can be to find God even in the hardest of situations, and have faith that He has a plan- even if we aren’t able to see what that plan may be or where it may lead.