into the light

I'm FINALLY in the home stretch. I can almost smell the Thanksgiving dinner cooking in the oven, I can almost listen to Christmas music again, the light at the end of the tunnel is slowly getting closer and brighter. This is super good, because lately I've been in a bit of a slump. Me and my Texas bones wimped out at the first sign of cold weather and I haven't been on my bike since about the 1st of October (I know, lame). I'm trying to change this- trying to coax myself that once I actually get riding that it won't see so cold (so far no luck though). Other than that it seemed like school worked seemed to implode in 3 week period- it was just one thing after another after another. And all I really want to do is go home. But enough of that, onto the good stuff.

I've been on quite a few adventures recently, one including driving 1,000 miles in 2.5 days. I know, pretty remarkable. My roommates and I decided last minute to make a little trip up to Chicago, for almost 3 days. I also celebrated Halloween, college kid style. What exactly is college kid style--good question. haha. Halloween is my least favorite of the holidays, so I just kinda go along with whatever the plans are and roll with it.

I finished my multiple client rotation, and I have to say that from this past year this was probably the rotation I enjoyed the most. I know that's not really fair because I have probably said that about every rotation, but hindsight is 20/20. I've learned that with each new rotation I realize things that I loved and the things I didn't love so much. But this rotation was very different from my others, in that I really felt like the whole family was involved with the care, it was a much more friendly atmosphere. This is somewhat ironic, consider an oncology floor can be one of the most depressing places in the hospital. However, the nurses on this floor did an excellent job of making it a not so scary place. That's what really made the difference, the nurses.

I hope that I will become that kind of nurse one day, that I can make the scary parts of life seem much more bearable.

enchanted to meet you

This past rotation I was on an oncology unit, and I thought I would share one of my journals from these past 4 weeks, because I feel like it really captures the essence of this rotation.

This week (my second week on this unit) I was truly astounded with the faith, and hope that these patients have. I had two patients this week that had very recent diagnoses of cancer, and it floored me how strong they were. I know I only got to be in a small part of their lives, I only saw snapshot of the big picture, but they really amazed me. From a nursing role, these two patients could not have been more perfect. No, they were not super complicated, in the sense that only one had an IV pump and a Foley, both were independent and other than medications, could pretty much take care of themselves. However, with the cancer diagnosis there was a whole different aspect of care that needed to be covered. Being told you have cancer can be a very scary diagnosis, however I was very inspired by how optimistic and strong my patients were being, and how open they were with sharing their stories with me.

On both a student and a personal level this was extremely helpful to me. I have been very lucky in my life, to not be affected by cancer personally or to not know anyone close to me who has been affected, so this is one area where I feel like I was extremely lacking in both knowledge and experience. I really was amazed at how strong not only the patients were, but also their wives and families. I feel like I could truly see God working in their lives during this difficult time, because I know that if it were me, I might not be so open and friendly.

I do know that not every patient will always be as open as these two were, but I felt like I did learn a lot about the process the patient goes through when diagnosed with cancer, and the grieving and questions that come from the diagnosis. And while both patients had been were not diagnosed while I was there, they were recent enough that they still had many questions and in some areas looked to me for answers. I really felt like I was able to learn and grow with them this week, I felt blessed to be a part of their journey back to health.

i'm just a basket case

It seems that every time I go to post all I ever want to talk about is how incredibly busy I am, like it's some brand-spanking new news. You think I would have gotten the memo long ago that nursing school is pretty dang busy- nothing really ever changes. But of course I always seem to forget this fact right before the world gets thrown at us.

So what's new in my life now? Well for starters I'm busy- of course. I just finished my ICU rotation earlier today and it's a little bittersweet. I enjoyed it far more than I thought I would, which surprised me. I'm not quite sure what I had in my mind about what ICU was going to be like going into it, but all of my expectations were completely blown away. However, even though I had a lot of fun because I had to chance to do a ton on nursing cares and such, it was still very depressing. I didn't really realize how depressing and serious it was until I moved onto my next rotation, Multiple Client.

The majority of the patients in ICU were on ventilators, had feeding tubes, couldn't talk and most of the time were to sedated to have any sort of response to other people. Now, these patients usually had multiple health problems (hence being in ICU) so there was a lot of care that needed to be done, but I found I didn't like ICU for the same reasons I didn't like NICU- the patients couldn't talk back, they didn't really respond to you. And to be honest, I didn't really realize how depressing it was until I moved onto my next rotation, on an oncology unit, where I can actually sit down and have conversations with my patients. As a whole though, I felt like I really learned a lot, I'm actually starting to feel a little more like a real nurse day by day.

On a different note it's midterms week (ohh boy!) and again, it seems like I seem to forget how busy it is until it's finally here. I took one midterm on Monday, have another one next Monday and then my last on Friday- then it's fall break! And unlike last fall break I will not be anxious and nervous, I am going to throughly enjoy my time off and not worry about ANYTHING. I have been far to stressed out about school-it's high time for a break.

talk about a Monday..

Yesterday, Monday I had my first Care Management test of the year. No big deal you're thinking to yourself--which is exactly what I thought to myself. Until I woke up at 8:00 in the morning to a call from my professor asking where I was because "the test started at 7:45, and you're supposed to be here." Sweet. So I quickly threw some clothes on, picked up my backpack and literally ran out the front door. I drove to campus, parked in the student lot without a permit and again literally ran into my classroom. I got there by 8:15 (impressive, right?!) and sat down to take my test in the 30 minutes that were remaining. I miraculously managed to finish my test on time, so now all I have to do is wait until next Monday to see if I did okay.

Now how did I let that happen, I mean really- who sleeps through FOUR alarms. Really now? Not only did I sleep through them, I have no recollection of even hearing them or turning them off.

Talk about stress. I mean, that's one way to start off my week. Luckily I don't have class again until Friday (lucky me!) so I have some time to recover from the trauma yesterday.

But enough about that- clinical started last Friday, and I'm in the ICU first. I am pretty excited about this, because I feel like I will get to see more intense things.

I also had my day in the Emergency Department this past Tuesday and let me say this: WAY COOL. Now, I wasn't at a trauma center so I didn't get to see any car accidents or gunshot victims- but I got to see some pretty cool stuff. I basically loved it, every single minute of it. It was kind of bipolar- in the way that it was either empty, with nothing to do or extremely busy, jumping from patient to patient trying to get everything done. You have to be a very quick thinker, because each patient that comes in is completely different. PRETTY AWESOME, if I do say so.

Oh- also in some free time last week I decided I would get a fish. So here's Stan. I know it's not the best picture, but it's okay. He lives with a peace lilly, which is why there are roots in the picture. I'll let you know how it turns out. So far, so good!

Last, but first

Wednesday, August 25, 2010 is the day that I had my last "first day of school." And let me tell you as far as first days go, this was far from the most exciting. My day wasn't filled with the excitement of walking into class and quickly scanning the room to find which friends were in this class, there was no dread or worry over if I got the "good" teacher. No, there was none of this, instead I walked into the classroom and knew right where I was going to sit- the same exact spot I sat in all last year, right next to the same exact person I did last year and while the teacher wasn't exactly the same, I had listened to her lecture at least once last year. So as far as first days of school go, this was pretty b-o-r-i-n-g, except for you know, the fact that it was my very last one.

Why? Well It's my senior year of college, which in my humble opinion is quite scary. It's hard for me to believe that 18 years ago today (or around this day) I walked into Kindergarten looking like this:

And now, here I am embarking on one of the last chapters in a major aspect of my life. Senior year- it's something everyone hopes to reach someday very soon, but yet once it arrives it seems far to early for everything to be over. I know I have dreamed of days where I don't have to stay up until the wee hours of the morning to cram for that big test, or to finish up the last few words on that major paper due in just a few hours but yet now that I see the end in sight, I'm at a loss for what to think.

All I have ever known, for the past 18 years from August-June is to wake up, go to school, come home, do homework, work out, eat dinner, sleep, wake up and do it all again (with some variation of course). What am I going to do when I come home and don't have to whip out my school books and crack down on my reading, or spend hours upon hours hostage to the library? Yes, I do know that I'll have a "real" job and be in the "real" world with "real" responsibilities, but still.

Perhaps I'll actually be able to sleep, imagine that! Or maybe I'll take up some hobby like underwater basket-weaving to fill my time that would normally be filled with school work.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY excited about the future, and all that is in store for me, but it's a scary thought. For once my life plan isn't laid out in front of me, I'm not sure exactly what I should do, where I should go next. It's a completely blank slate, which is something I have never experienced before. My life in, oh, about 9.5 months is going to make a 180 degree turn from the pattern I have followed for so long to something COMPLETELY different. I can't even imagine. I mean, a world without homework? I'm not even quite sure it exists. ( I'll believe it when I see it)

I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes.

So bring it on.

I'm ready.

Well not really, just kinda ready.

Okay, not ready at all.

Jill came tumbling after

What a week it has been!

First, I finished my first bike race! It was quite the challenge to- 27 miles, which really wasn't that bad. The bad part was the hills! I haven't really ridden hills before--Texas is about as flat as a pancake, and boy was it tough! But I survived, and did the 27 miles in about a hour and 45 minutes--which is about what I expected! Now that I've got that under my belt, I've decided to tackle 58 miles (flat miles) in a race on June 27th! So I've slowly been working up my miles for that, but I've still got work to do.

Second- boy oh boy did I take quite the tumble today. It was truly quite the accident. I was riding with one of my friends and my tire got stuck in a crack in the cement, and down I went. Now, we were going about 20-22 miles/hour so I went down pretty hard. Luckily I broke no bones, like my mom did last week- I just scraped myself up pretty badly and COMPLETELY ripped both my front tire and the inner tube.

So my first big fall, got that one under my belt now too. Good news is my bike is okay, and I am okay, and if my tire was repairable I probably would have gotten right back on my bike and kept on riding.

What is really funny (in a morbid kind of way) is that exactly one week ago my Mom fell off of her bike and severely broke her arm. Now hers was a little bit different circumstance, but she called my dad to come pick her up (who was freaking out) then exactly one week later I fall and call my dad to come pick me up (who was freaking out even more). So now he's decided he's just not cut out for this sort of thing, we're going to give him a heart attack if he keeps on getting these sort of calls. So from now on if I fall, which will happen, I think I'm going to call my brother and save my father some anxiety.

Luck was on my side today, I know it could have been much, much worse. So I'm going to count my lucky stars and hope that if I fall again I can only be so lucky.

sit back and enjoy the ride

I'm sort of an ambitious person. At least in the sense of physical fitness. I have found that I always need a challenge, I always need something to work for, and not in the easy "I want to look better in a bathing-suit kind-of way." No, I need a challenge, I need something to work for. So, this past semester I decided that I wanted to take up cycling.

Now, this isn't a totally new concept for me, my main workout throughout college has been riding the stationary bike in the gym. But my competitive nature crept through and just riding the bike wasn't enough, I needed to be riding it for a reason, a purpose. I then decided to do some research and concluded that I didn't just want to ride, I wanted to race, and not just any race, I wanted to do a 100 mile race (called a century ride).

I had a slight problem however, or a few problems- at the time I decided I wanted to do this century ride it was the middle of the winter in Omaha (meaning a good foot of snow on the ground) which actually wasn't that big as my next problem: I didn't own a bike. But, nonetheless I decided that this should be my goal for the year- finish a century ride. So I started training, riding the little stationary bike and I slowly got more and more excited because for the first time since I had to stop playing basketball I had found something that I genuinely enjoyed doing.

And then finals happened, and I got out of my routine, working out got put on hold as I tried to complete my then current goal (to finish the year strong), which I did! (2 B+ and 1 A!!) but then I came home and sumer started and I found that I didn't really enjoy the stationary bike anymore. Perhaps because I no longer had notes to study and pass the time as I rode, but whatever the reason I found myself avoiding the bike, or even the gym altogether so I wouldn't have to sit there and ride. Then I got to talking with my mom, and we decided that this century was something that we really wanted to do, and if we were going to get serious about it we needed some road bikes. So we went our local bike store, took the plunge, and got serious.

So for the past 2ish weeks my life has consisted of early evening bike rides and LOTS of sleeping (who knew 20 miles could make you so tired!) Nonetheless I am slowly getting there, learning little by little everything I need to survive my first century (I already have stories!).

In short, since I don't have nursing school to talk about for the next 3 months, I figured I would switch over to my adventures (and failures) of cycling. Tomorrow I am waking up bright and early to try and go 25 miles (and still be breathing when I'm done) so ready or not, here I go!

And here's a lovely picture of me trying to figure out clip-less pedals (excuse the hair)

--this was after I fell over after FINALLY clipping both feet in